


The Last Song of Your Life

by reminiscingintherain



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Elodie Tomlinson, Famous/Not famous, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homophobic Slurs, Louis has a sister with prosthetics, M/M, One Direction without louis, Pre-X Factor, Rays of Sunshine, Song: Adore You (Harry Styles), not famous Louis, told in flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:27:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26319415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reminiscingintherain/pseuds/reminiscingintherain
Summary: As Harry glanced around at all of the faces, he froze as a very familiar pair of blue eyes leapt out at him. A pair of eyes that he hadn’t seen since before the One Direction bomb exploded. A pair of eyes that he never expected to see again.~~~~or the famous/not famous AU, with first love, miscommunication, interfering bandmates, and adorable little sisters.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 10
Kudos: 202
Collections: Fine Line Fic Fest





	1. 2014

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to the mods for being so wonderful, especially as this was SO LATE!
> 
> Currently unbeta'd because of my tardiness, so all mistakes/errors are mine.
> 
> Proper thanks will come after the writer reveal :)
> 
> _Title comes from[The Last Song Of Your Life](https://open.spotify.com/track/5pxZaep4BX0wLn4BYnfTgE?si=zEDhRQ3tTcGeiNjnhy0cdg) by P!nk._
> 
> xXxXx
> 
> _edited following reveal: thank you to the Panic Room GC - cos you're all awesome and brilliant. thanks to[Lynda](https://wait4ever.tumblr.com/) for your awesome beta work after posting - sending all the love to you <3_
> 
> _and also, because it has been pointed out that I'm an idiot who left it out originally... this fic is based off of **Adore You**._

“Harry, move your ass!” Liam bellowed down the corridor. “We’re gonna be late!”

“Coming, coming,” Harry called, grabbing his hat and plonking it on his head with one hand, as the other reached for his phone and hotel keycard, before he raced from the room to follow the rest of his band into the lift. “Sorry, I needed a wee!”

“You always need a wee,” Zayn sighed, rolling his eyes before narrowing them playfully. “Maybe you should consider getting that looked at? Could be problems with your prostate?”

“Excuse me, Zayn,” Harry sniffed. “I’m not an old man!”

“Don’t act like it then, y’fucker,” Niall chastised lazily. “We’re off to see the kiddies for charity, in case anyone had forgotten. So strong faces on, lads. No tears.”

“I hate this part,” Zayn mumbled, hiding his face in Liam’s shoulder. “They’re always so brave.”

Liam gave Zayn a reassuring squeeze.

“We all hate it, love,” he said softly. “But we can do it. Makes them happy to see us, right?”

Harry and Niall nodded in agreement.

“Okay, okay,” Zayn took a deep breath and nodded once. “Let’s do this.”

The four of them followed Paul down the corridor and out of the hotel, crossing the short distance between the hotel and Wembley Arena on foot, chatting calmly amongst themselves as they walked into the arena and through to the floor area, where they found the kids from Rays of Sunshine, along with their guardians.

As Harry glanced around at all of the faces, he froze as a very familiar pair of blue eyes leapt out at him. A pair of eyes that he hadn’t seen since before the One Direction bomb exploded. A pair of eyes that he never expected to see again.


	2. Summer 2009

“Harry Edward Styles, if you aren’t down here within the next five minutes, we are leaving without you!” Anne bellowed up the stairs, before she carried her case out to stow it in the boot of the car.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Harry yelled back.

He grabbed his iPod, wrapping the headphones quickly around the small unit and shoving it in the pocket of his hoody, before he lifted his duffel bag off the bed and rushed from the room, nearly tripping over his feet on the landing, but grabbing the banister just in time to prevent his headlong fall down the stairs.

“Shit,” he breathed out slowly, taking a moment and then carefully making his way downstairs and out to the car.

“C’mon, squirt!” Gemma called, her head hanging out of the passenger side window. “Else we’re gonna miss our flight!”

Harry grumbled under his breath as he shoved his bag in the boot on top of his mum’s case, only just remembering to grab his notebook out of the side pocket before he clambered into the back of the car.

It was his last summer before his GCSE year at school, Gemma’s last one before she went off to Sheffield Uni, and their mum had managed to save up enough money for them to have a proper holiday abroad for the first time since their parents had divorced. It was something they’d all been looking forward to for ages, and they all knew it was likely to be their last family holiday with just the three of them. Anne had met Robin, a man who was nice and treated her right, someone that both Gemma and Harry liked, and Harry had overheard quiet conversations between them about Robin possibly moving in with them. Gemma was already thinking about going backpacking with friends for her first summer holiday of uni, and Harry… 

Well, Harry hadn’t told anyone yet, but he was thinking about applying to X Factor - they’d upped the minimum age to 16, but the cut off date was the day after his birthday, so he would make it. And the Manchester auditions were on a Saturday in July - he’d checked - so Anne wouldn’t have to take time off of work to take him, if he even got that far of course.

He sighed as he tugged the application form out of his notebook, gazing at it for a while. It was complete, except for the section asking for his parent/guardian’s signature - so he knew he would have to bring it up to Anne before it went any further. He shook his head a little and folded it into the back of his notebook again; maybe he could bring it up during the holiday. Putting it out of his mind, he flicked through to a blank page, humming quietly under his breath as he began to scribble down a few lines that had been rolling around his head for the past couple of days.

‘ _I’ll keep my eyes wide open,_ _  
I’ll keep my arms wide open…  
Don’t let me go  
Cause I’m tired of feeling alone_’ 

With a low grumble, he shoved the notebook under his leg when nothing else seemed to be particularly forthcoming, folding his arms over his chest and leaning against the door, fully intending to sleep the rest of the way to the airport.

“Oi, grump,” Gemma called over her shoulder. “You got any preference on music for the journey?”

“Not really,” Harry glared at the back of her head. “And even if I did, you’d deliberately choose something else.” He shifted around to get more comfortable. “It’s fine. I’ve got my iPod, listen to whatever.”

He jammed the earbuds in his ears and scrolled through his music, listening to Anne and Gemma talking in the front, thinking that he couldn’t hear them.

“I’m getting a bit worried about him, Mum,” Gemma was saying. “He’s not normally so moody. It can’t be hormones, can it?”

“I suppose it could be,” Anne sighed softly. “I’d think it was about Robin, except he’s perfectly fine with him. Maybe it’s too many things changing at once? You leaving, Robin moving in, his exams coming up… I think we’re just going to have to be careful with him, you know?”

Harry rubbed a hand over his face, starting to feel guilty. It would be a complete and utter lie if he were to say that he didn’t know the source of his recent unprecedented anger, but he had to work through some more stuff in his head before he could feel ready to talk to anyone about it, especially his family. He had no doubt in his mind that they would be anything but accepting of him, and still love him unconditionally. But there was always that spike of doubt that it wouldn’t go the perfect way, that there would be a problem, and that he’d be forced to leave home, just because he’d rather kiss a boy than a girl, in theory anyway - he had yet to properly finalise his thoughts and opinion on the whole thing.

Flicking his music on so he couldn’t hear his mum and sister any more, Harry closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the seat, quickly drifting into sleep.

When they eventually reached Manchester Airport, there was a huge flurry of activity as Anne found their pre-booked parking space, before they piled their luggage onto an inevitably wonky trolley and struggled to get into the terminal. Thankfully, the desk was already open for their flight, so they were able to get their luggage checked and head through security practically straight away.

As they wandered through duty free, a small girl rushed past them, promptly followed by an identical one, and then a much older lad following on again.

“Daisy! Phoebe! Come back here!” he yelled, bumping into Gemma and quickly apologising before he ran to catch up with the girls.

“They look like a handful,” Anne commented in amusement, looking around curiously. “I hope their mum’s okay.”

“I’m really not, but I’d be lost without Lou,” a voice replied from behind her.

Anne looked around quickly, immediately spotting the woman who had spoken with another three small girls, one blonde and one brunette walking either side of her, and another brunette in a pushchair in front of her.

“He’s a good big brother,” the woman continued. “But I told him that telling them there was a play area in this terminal was a big mistake until we were closer.” She smiled brightly. “I’m Jay,” she introduced herself, holding out a hand to Anne, who took it easily. “This is Charlotte, Felicité, and Elodie, the twin terrors are Daisy and Phoebe, and their big brother is Louis.”

“I’m Anne, this is Gemma and Harry,” Anne replied. “Are you taking all of them on holiday on your own?” she asked, a mixture of awe and disbelief in her tone.

“My husband is around somewhere,” Jay sighed. “But I’m guessing he’s found the fruit machines,” she added with a slight eye roll. “I’ll see him when it’s time to board, I guess. Or when he’s run out of cash.” She forced a chuckle and a smile. “Ignore me, I’m rambling. Where are you off to?”

“We’re going to Fuertaventura,” Gemma said. “Last holiday before uni for me, and the last one before his GCSEs for the squirt here,” she added, grabbing Harry around the neck, making him squirm out of her hold.

“When you’ve finished,” he glared at her playfully, before looking at Anne. “Mum, I’m gonna go get a drink. I’ll find you in a bit?”

“Of course, love,” Anne agreed easily. “Don’t put your headphones in though, and keep an ear on the announcements.”

“Will do,” Harry nodded and slipped away easily.

He walked along the winding route to the WHSmiths, picking up a bottle of Coke and another of water, as well as a tube of Pringles and a tin of travel sweets. He paid with the cash he had in his pocket before he moseyed back out to the main concourse, promptly bumping into the lad who’d rushed past earlier and dropping his bottle of Coke, watching in dismay as it hit the ground wrong and split open, spraying everywhere.

“Oops,” he mumbled.

“Hi,” replied the lad. “Sorry about that, mate.”

“It’s fine,” Harry sighed, pulling a face at the mess as he bent down to grab the bottle, shoving it in the nearest bin, before he checked his change. “I’ll have to go without Coke though.”

“Wait, here,” the lad shoved a hand into his pocket, rummaging around and pulling out a couple of pound coins. “My fault you dropped it, the least I can do is replace it.” He beamed at Harry. “I’m Louis, by the way.”

“M’Harry.”

“Nice to meet you,” Louis grinned.

“Yeah, uh, I think our mums are talking,” Harry shrugged one shoulder. “You ran past us earlier after your sisters?”

“Ah, shit yeah, sorry about that,” Louis sighed, before gesturing towards the Hamley’s stand. “Little scamps wanted to go on the swings, but got distracted by toys. My fault - Mum said not to mention it until we were closer.” He eyed Harry speculatively. “How old are you, kid?”

“I’m not a kid,” Harry frowned. “I’m fifteen.”

“Oh, sorry, of course not,” Louis replied, obviously amused. “Definitely all grown up.”

Harry rolled his eyes a little.

“I just meant that I don’t need to be looked after or whatever,” Harry muttered.

Louis visibly softened, gently nudging his shoulder against Harry’s.

“Of course not,” he repeated. “Sorry, I’m used to younger siblings - I think it’s just in my DNA now to tease. I didn’t mean anything by it, I promise.”

Harry nodded slowly, before he turned to look at Louis properly. His eyes widened slightly as he took in the sight before him - has anyone before ever had eyelashes  _ that damn long _ ? - and he immediately came to the realisation that there was no more theorising. He was definitely gay, one hundred percent. And every part of his body fired up with that revelation.

Harry coughed into his hand, realising that Louis was looking at him with a slightly concerned expression.

“Sorry,” he quickly apologised. “Uh, I should go find my mum. Um. I’ll see you around?”

“Course,” Louis nodded slowly. “You sure you’re okay, lad?”

“Yeah!” Harry squeaked - because of course his voice would start up the cracking thing right now - and cleared his throat hard. “Sorry, yes, I’m fine. I just have to, like… go.”

Without waiting for another response, Harry turned on his heel and strode through the airport, feeling incredibly grateful to past Harry for having chosen his baggiest jeans to travel in, so that they showed no sign of what was going on in his underwear. He glanced around quickly, spotting his mum and Gemma still chatting to Louis’ mum, and slipped into the toilets, finding an empty cubicle at the far end and locking the door.

Less than ten minutes later, after washing his hands very thoroughly, Harry left the toilets and made his way over to his family.

“Harry! Here you are!” Anne exclaimed happily. “Jay, now that he’s actually around properly to introduce. This is my Harry.”

“Lovely to meet you, sweetheart,” Jay replied warmly.

“Jay and her family are going to Fuerteventura too,” Anne told him with a bright smile.

“They - what?” Harry stared a little.

If Jay and her family were going, that meant Louis was going - they were going to be holidaying at the same place. And Harry knew what Anne was like. If she’s made a friend already, they were definitely going to be seeing a lot more of each other over the next couple of weeks.

“Yep, and they’re staying at the same holiday park,” Anne continued. “So at least you won’t need to go to the organised fun clubs that you were dreading.”

“I, uh, I was actually planning on lounging by the pool for a fortnight,” Harry admitted.

“Louis can keep you entertained,” Jay interjected. “He’s looking forward to the kids’ clubs for the younger ones, so he doesn’t have to keep an eye on them for me.” She paused for a moment. “Not that he  _ has _ to, he just always feels like he should, especially when I have my hands full with Elodie,” she quickly elaborated, looking a little concerned.

“I don’t think anyone thought that, love,” Anne reassured her. “Elodie’s adorable, aren’t you, sweetie?” she cooed at the little girl, grinning when Elodie squirmed and grinned up at Anne.

“Ey up, what’s going on here?” Louis asked as he joined them, one small blonde girl on a hip, while another reluctantly walked alongside him, holding onto his hand.

“Oh, girls, are you annoying Louis?” Jay immediately started to fuss.

“They’re fine, Mum,” he smiled. “Think they managed to get a bit of their energy out though, so I’m hoping we’re boarding soon?”

“Gate opens in about ten minutes,” Anne told him. “I’m Anne,” she added at his confused look.

“My mum,” Harry interjected, his eyes wide at the sight of Louis again.

Louis raised an eyebrow slowly.

“Okay,” he said uncertainly.

“Anne, Gemma, and Harry are staying at the same park as us, love,” Jay told him, taking Phoebe off of him. “And we’re all sat together on the plane. So I thought it would be nice to make friends now.” She shot him a sharp look. “Also, you owe Gemma an apology - you bumped into her rather roughly earlier.”

“Oh, crap, sorry,” he quickly apologised. “Chasing after the girls, I’m guessing?”

“Got it in one,” Gemma nodded. “You now have to agree to be my slave for the next 14 days, or I won’t be able to forgive you,” she added solemnly.

“I’m sure I can live without your forgiveness,” Louis immediately retorted.

“Oh I doubt it,” Gemma replied. “I’m a bit of a brat.”

“Gemma, will you please behave,” Anne said with a heavy sigh.

“Sorry, Mum.”

The two mothers both rolled their eyes at their children, but the announcement over the PA system for their flight prevented any further discussion. En masse, the eleven of them walked towards the gate, with Jay peering around, looking for Mark, her husband.

“Do you want me to go find him, Mum?” Louis asked, just as they approached the gate to queue up. “I’m guessing he hasn’t heard the announcement.”

“If you could, please love, that would be brilliant,” Jay said quickly.

“Do you need me to take any of the girls with me?” he checked.

“I can help your mum with the girls,” Anne assured him. “Go find your dad.”

Louis bit his lip uncertainly, but left at a jog to try and locate his dad. Harry watched him go, sighing softly.

The natural way that Louis and Gemma had begun to tease and joke with each other was the exact opposite of the way that he and Louis had interacted. Harry couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of his sister, but also felt his heart sink down to his scuffed-up Supras, suspecting that the way he was already feeling about Louis was completely one-sided. He let out a soft, wry snort. Because of course, it was a gay rite of passage - the stereotypical crush on the straight guy.

Sighing heavily, Harry followed Gemma - who had a hold of one of the twins - through the gate and down the tunnel to the plane, boarding easily and stowing his bag in the overhead locker before he sat against the window and forced himself to relax. Knowing that there was still a small amount of time before the plane would begin to taxi, he shoved his earbuds in and flicked on his music again, losing himself in the familiar sound of Fleetwood Mac singing about climbing mountains and turning around.

He was almost asleep when he jumped hard at the feel of a hand on his arm. He tugged his earbuds out quickly and glared at the culprit.

“Shit, sorry,” Louis immediately apologised. “I didn’t realise you were nearly asleep. I was just going to ask if it was okay if I sat next to you.”

Harry blinked slowly, before he nodded once.

“If that’s where you’re supposed to be sitting, then I guess you should sit there,” he mumbled.

“Thanks,” Louis replied with a small smile, as he took his seat next to Harry.

“Did you find your dad okay?” Harry asked, rubbing at his eyes.

“Yeah, I did,” Louis muttered. “Exactly where we thought he was. Glad that Mum took his bankcard out of his wallet last night, or our holiday money would’ve already disappeared in the machines.” He shot a look at Harry and frowned. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Please don’t repeat any of that, especially not in front of the girls.”

“I won’t say a word,” Harry promised.

“Thanks,” Louis sighed. “Looking forward to this holiday though - Mum’s been talking it up to everyone for months, so hopefully it’ll live up to the hype.” He gently nudged Harry’s arm. “Although it’s already looking positive.”

Harry promptly blushed hard and ducked his head shyly. Louis grinned to himself, wriggling around to get comfortable before he clipped his seat belt together.

“Well then, Harold,” he said with a clap of his hands. “Let’s get this show on the road.”


	3. 2014

“Lou-lou!” Elodie shrieked excitedly. “We’re going to London!”

“That’s right, darling, we are!” Louis replied enthusiastically as he dropped to his knees just inside the front door to hug his little sister. “You looking forward to it?”

“Yes, yes, definitely yes,” she nodded quickly. “We’re gonna meet One Direction, Lou!”

Louis felt his smile tense up for a moment, but he forced himself to relax.

“Yes, we definitely are,” he agreed. “And that’s gonna be awesome, isn’t it?”

Elodie nodded again and bounced around, tottering slightly but grabbing hold of the handrail that ran along the length of the hallway before she fell. Louis watched as she steadied herself before she wandered into the living room, only looking around when their mum emerged from the kitchen.

“Hey Mum,” he greeted her, crossing to give her a tight hug. “How’s it going?”

“Not too bad, love,” she assured him. “El’s been hyper for three days.”

“On new prosthetics?” he raised an eyebrow. “Wow, bet that’s been a bundle of fun.”

“You know what she’s like, love,” Jay shrugged a shoulder and led the way into the kitchen. “She’ll do what she wants, as always.” She bit her lip gently. “But you’re gonna have to put your foot down with her about her wheelchair - she wants to leave it behind completely, but there’s no way she’s going to be able to handle the whole day without it.”

Louis looked a little horrified.

“There is no way we’re going without her damn wheelchair, Mum,” he said firmly. “I’m not risking her in any way. It’s bad enough this whole fucking event is in London and not anywhere closer.” He ran an exasperated hand through his hair. “Jeez…”

“I know, love,” Jay sighed. “But she’s being extra stubborn today. She doesn’t want Niall to judge her wheelchair.”

“If Niall judges her wheelchair, he can try judging my fucking fist,” he muttered, leaning against the counter. “Same goes for all of them. Wankers.”

“Now, poppet,” Jay chastised gently. “You don’t mean that.” She eyed him speculatively. “How are you feeling about seeing him again?”

“Seeing who?” Louis asked, folding his arms over his chest petulantly.

“Don’t give me that, you know full damn well who,” Jay glared. “Harry Styles.”

“Oh Mum,” Louis sighed heavily, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling. “I’m so over him - it’s been years. And he’s clearly moved on, hasn’t he.”

“Uh huh, sure,” Jay agreed, nodding slowly. “If you believe everything you read in the papers, then right, he’s fine, better than fine. Tons of girls to help him out.”

Louis eyed his mother suspiciously.

“What are you trying to say?” he asked her slowly.

“Nothing at all,” she shook her head, turning to clean the oven hob. “But you do know that I still speak to Anne, don’t you?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Louis sighed heavily. “Go on then, hit me with whatever it is you wanna share.”

“I’m just saying, you shouldn’t believe everything you read and hear in the media,” Jay said bluntly. “Because they often get it wrong, and usually intentionally so.”

“You realise you’re talking in riddles, don’t you?” Louis told her.

Jay rolled her eyes, snapped the kitchen towel at him, and then gestured to the living room.

“Go get your sister, and both of you get out from under my feet. I need to get some housework done, and I can’t do that if you’re both in the way.” She pressed a kiss to Louis’ cheek. “Just trust me when I say that you’re not alone at all in missing what happened before.”

Louis huffed softly, rubbing at his face.

“I’ll go get El ready,” he muttered. “Because I’m not even sure you’re making sense anymore.”

Jay rolled her eyes at him before she tugged open the door to the cupboard and pointedly tugged the vacuum cleaner out. Louis shook his head and grabbed Elodie’s wheelchair, pushing it into the living room.

“C’mon, munchkin,” he called out. “We gotta get moving, or we’ll be late!”

Elodie turned away from the television, which was unsurprisingly playing the This Is Us DVD – Louis was surprised it still worked with how many times it had been watched – and promptly glared when she spotted the wheelchair.

“No, Lou,” she pouted. “No wheelchair today. I can walk!”

“All the way to London?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I think even I’d struggle with that, love. Let’s take your chair just in case, yeah?”

“I’m a big girl, and the hospital gave me new legs again,” Elodie insisted. “They said these are better than the last ones!”

“And I’m sure they are, darling,” Louis said patiently. “But today’s going to be a very busy day, and as you say, you’re getting to be a big girl now – you don’t want me to pull my back if I need to carry you back, do you?” he asked, his eyes wide with faked horror, while knowing full well that he’d be able to carry her anywhere for however long she needed if she absolutely insisted on leaving the chair behind.

Elodie stamped one of her new feet carefully, folding her arms over her chest and huffing loudly, causing Louis to internally celebrate because this was usually where she was on the verge of giving in.

“I don’t want it,” she mumbled, pouting at the floor.

“Your chair?” Louis checked, frowning slightly when she shook her head. “Why not, love?”

“Don’t want them to think I’m a baby, or that I’m really sick,” Elodie continued. “What if they don’t like me cos of it?”

“They? You mean them?” he checked, gesturing to the screen and promptly softening when she nodded again. “Oh, munchkin. They’re gonna love you, no matter what. Remember what we’ve talked about? Your chair doesn’t define you, your character does.” He crossed the room and knelt beside her. “And your character is absolutely beautiful and wonderful.”

“You hafta say that,” Elodie pouted a little. “You’re my big brother.”

“Too right,” Louis nodded solemnly. “And I take that role incredibly seriously. Who else is going to keep an eye on you? Make sure you’re eating your chocolates and going to bed late?”

Elodie giggled and leaned against him heavily. Louis ran a hand up and down her back, knowing that the new legs had already tired her out a little today.

“Okay, Lou,” she relented. “We’ll take the chair. But only because you’re the bestest big brother.”

“C’mon then,” he murmured after a moment. “Let’s get us both to the train station, and off to the Big Smoke!”

“Is Mummy taking us to the train?” Elodie asked as she settled herself in her chair.

“No, love,” Louis smiled. “I’m gonna leave my car there, so we can just come straight home later, and not disturb anyone to come and get us. Is that alright?”

“Uh huh,” she nodded. “We need to say bye to Mummy before we leave though. Else she’ll be worried and call the police.”

Louis covered his smile with a hand as he moved behind the chair.

“You are very right,” he said, forcing his voice to remain serious, before he raised it and called down the hallway. “Mum! We’re going!”

Jay poked her head out of the kitchen just as Louis manoeuvred Elodie’s chair out of the living room.

“Oh loves,” she smiled. “You’re going with the chair, poppet?”

“I don’t want Louis to get tired carrying me if my legs start aching,” Elodie said firmly.

“That’s very considerate of you, darling,” Jay nodded. “Now, you two both have lots of fun, and I’ll see you when you get home, okay? I’ll still be up when you get back.”

“We will, Mummy,” Elodie smiled at her. “I’ll get Louis to send you lots of photos too.”

“Not too many, love,” Louis interjected. “Don’t want the battery to run out.”

“You can charge it on the train,” Elodie instructed him. “They’ve got the UBS ports – Lottie told me.”

“And that told you,” Jay chuckled. “Just make sure you both stay safe, let me know when you get there, and call if you need anything.”

“We’ll be fine, Mum,” Louis assured her, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“Make sure you are,” Jay repeated, before she bent down to kiss the top of Elodie’s head, hugging her carefully.

With that, Louis pushed the chair out to the car and helped Elodie get in the car seat in the back – “that’s where it should be, Louis, I’m not allowed in the front, remember?” – and then stowed the wheelchair in the boot. A few minutes later, they were on the way to the train station.

Jay had let Louis have the blue badge that allowed him to park for free in one of the disabled spaces, so once they were parked and Louis had collected the prebooked tickets, they were soon on the train, and headed southbound to London. Unsurprisingly, Elodie fell asleep within fifteen minutes, so Louis was left to lounge in his seat, scrolling through his phone, which was plugged in to one of the ports to make sure it was fully charged by the time they got to London. Once that got a bit boring, he leaned back and gazed out of the window, trying to work out exactly what he was going to do when he met up with Harry, a whole five years after that amazing summer they’d had together. Louis sighed softly – the idea that Harry would even remember who he is was a laughable one, and he definitely did not want to ruin the whole day for Elodie, which is what he ran the risk of doing if he mentioned it.

The two hours seemed to go in the blink of an eye, and before Louis knew it (and definitely before he was ready) the train was pulling into King’s Cross. He leaned across the table and gently touched Elodie’s arm.

“El?” he said softly. “C’mon, love. We’ve gotta get off the train. We’re in London.”

Elodie groaned softly, rubbing at her eyes as she stirred and blinked at him in confusion.

“Lou?” she mumbled.

“Yeah, love,” he smiled. “We’re in London, munchkin. Time to go see One Direction.”

Fortunately, Louis had spent a few weekends in London with the lads which meant that he knew his way around using the Tube. Having Elodie as his sister also meant that he always instinctively paid attention to where the disabled access points were, so the journey from King’s Cross to Wembley Park on the Metropolitan line was a simple one.

The sun shone brightly as Louis pushed an extremely talkative and excited Elodie down the Olympic Way pedestrian access that led directly from the tube station to Wembley Stadium. The crowds were already gathering – Louis had seen online that there had been some girls camping outside for the past week and could barely believe what he was reading – and it seemed like every other person was wearing merchandise with four faces grinning at him everywhere he looked.

Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Louis looked up at the Stadium itself and was for once grateful to be behind Elodie as he felt himself physically react to the sight of Harry’s face displayed on the side of the iconic building. Lifting one hand off of the chair to rub at his face, Louis shook his head and unceremoniously pulled himself together. Today was about Elodie, not his pathetic, non-existent, ancient history of a romantic life.

Louis pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the email that he’d received from the Rays of Sunshine people explaining where they needed to go, and bypassed the slopes leading up to the Stadium, instead going underneath and turning right towards the Arena, which was located alongside. When they reached the main doors, Louis handed over his and Elodie’s passports as ID, giving her a reassuring smile before they were shown inside and greeted by the organisers.

“Hi Elodie! And this must be big brother Louis?” a young blonde girl beamed.

“Yeah, hey,” Louis said uncertainly. “Uh, hoping you know where we need to be?”

“You’re in exactly the right place,” the blonde nodded enthusiastically. “I’m Rebecca, I’m one of the Rays of Sunshine volunteers. We’re here to make things run smoothly, for both our wish children and the amazing ambassadors who give up their time to make these wishes come true.”

“I made a wish!” Elodie interjected. “Lou said I could, cos of my legs,” she added, waving them around. “I got new ones last week.”

Louis smiled and ran a hand over her hair.

“Yeah, you did, munchkin,” he said fondly.

“And they look fabulous!” Rebecca enthused, crouching down next to Elodie’s chair so she didn’t have to crane her neck. “Are you excited to meet One Direction, Elodie?”

At her question, Elodie grabbed hold of Louis’ hand and pulled it closer, hugging his arm and hiding her face away.

“Elodie May Tomlinson, are you getting shy on me?” Louis asked in disbelief, chuckling softly as he crouched at the other side. “Are you actually nervous about meeting someone?”

“M’nervous about meeting Zayn,” Elodie whispered to him. “He’s so pretty.”

Louis gave her a bright smile, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Yes, he is,” he agreed. “But I’m sure he’s going to be excited to meet you, love.”

“Oh definitely,” Rebecca agreed. “All four of the lads are excited to meet you.” She looked over at Louis. “We send them a short information pack about the wish children prior to meeting them, so that the time isn’t spent asking why they’re here – they can just focus on the experience itself.” She caught sight of the worried look on Louis’ face. “We literally just give them a first name, their age, and the headshot you submitted with the wish. We don’t pass on any further personal details. Data protection and all that jazz.”

“Okay,” Louis said softly, feeling a little more relieved. “Can we bring her chair into the meeting?”

“Of course!” Rebecca replied.

“No, Lou,” Elodie whispered. “I wanna walk.”

“You can walk, munchkin,” Louis said to her quietly. “But I’ll keep your chair, just in case. Is that okay?” Elodie looked at him for a moment, before she nodded slowly and then hid her face in his shoulder. “Or would you like me to carry you in? Would that be better?”

“Would you do that?” she asked, her voice muffled in his tee.

“Course I would, love,” he replied carefully. “Do anything for you, you know that.”

Elodie wrapped her arms around his neck as best as she could, squeezing gently.

“Love you, Lou.”

“Love you too, munchkin,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Now c’mon, we need to find out from Rebecca where we need to go now.”

Rebecca beamed at them both brightly.

“Well, I’ve been assigned to look after you both, so I’ll escort you through,” she said grandly. “We’ll stop on the way to collect your goody bag, and then the actual meet and greet is taking place on the floor area of the arena itself.” She started walking towards the double doors on the left-hand side of the lobby, checking over her shoulder that Louis was pushing Elodie along behind her. “There will be a question and answer session first, so you can ask One Direction any question you want – within reason – and they’ll do their best to answer it.”

“Hey, Rebecca?” Louis suddenly spoke up. “Do you know why they’re doing this?”

“This?” she asked, looking a little confused.

“The whole meet and greet thing,” he elaborated.

“Oh, they’ve been ambassadors since they were on X Factor,” she smiled. “As soon as they made it to the live shows and realised they were getting a following, one of their parents – I think it was Anne, Harry’s mum? – got in contact with our head office to arrange the first wishes.” She pulled open a door, stepping to one side for Louis to push Elodie through. “Ever since, they’ve done as much as they could, schedule permitting. I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but they fulfil wishes for Make A Wish, Believe in Magic, and Starlight as well.” She paused for a moment, then smiled softly. “Every date of every tour they’ve done has included at least ten wishes.”

“Every tour?” Louis asked in disbelief.

“Every tour,” Rebecca agreed. “At every venue around the world. They take this very seriously.”

“Wow,” Louis murmured.

“They’re pretty amazing people, has to be said.”

Rebecca stopped off at one of the merchandise stands and picked through the bags there, eventually pulling one out with Elodie’s name on, handing it over with a smile.

“Thank you,” Elodie whispered, her eyes widening in surprise.

“I didn’t realise there was merch included?” Louis commented.

“Oh yes,” Rebecca nodded. “Always. With One Direction, anyway. They’re incredibly generous.”

“Huh.”

They continued on down the corridor, before turning right and going through another door which led out onto the floor area of the arena, which was mostly empty, but had a cluster of kids and their guardians gathered in one area. Louis looked around in amazement, letting out a low whistle.

“You been here before?” Rebecca asked with a smile.

“Nah, I normally go to Manchester if I’m going to a gig,” Louis replied. “You’re not doing a meet and greet up there, though. And I didn’t realise there were other charities as options.”

“Well, we’re glad to have you both here,” Rebecca grinned. “If you’d like to take a seat here, the question and answer session should be starting in about five minutes. We’ve just got to get the last couple of people in, and then we’ll bring the lads out. I’m gonna go stand at the back, but just get my attention if there’s anything you need at all.”

“Thanks, Rebecca,” Louis flickered a small smile at her. “El?”

“Thank you,” Elodie whispered, her eyes as wide as saucers as she tried to take in everything all at once.

Louis moved the wheelchair up alongside the row of chairs and then took his seat, only realising once he looked around that they were right in the front row, and completely unmissable. He sighed softly and rubbed at his eyes.

“Lou? You okay?” Elodie asked, the slight tremor in her voice belying her nerves.

“I’m fine, munchkin,” Louis assured her, forcing a smile as he looked up at her. “I didn’t get sleep on the train this morning like some people,” he added, reaching out to gently tickle her stomach and making her squirm and giggle. “I’m getting old, El. Not so good at staying awake these days.”

“You’re not old, Lou,” Elodie insisted loyally. “Mummy is lots older than you. So’s Grandpa Len.”

Louis chuckled softly.

“Yeah, they are,” he agreed. “Right, while we’re waiting, let’s see what you’ve got in your bag.”

He leaned closer as they began pulling things out of the tote bag – an oversized tee, a hoody, a baseball cap (that Elodie tried putting on Louis’ head), a scarf, and a glow stick.

“This is the best day of my life,” Elodie breathed out slowly, staring at the haul.

“I thought getting your new legs was the best day?” Louis raised an eyebrow.

“Was till now,” she said firmly.

Louis chuckled softly and looked around, his gaze immediately caught by a familiar pair of green eyes, and his breath caught in his throat.


	4. Summer 2009

The four-hour flight seemed to go much faster than Louis was expecting it to. He figured part of that could have been down to the curly-haired lad sat next to him, who’d fallen asleep literally ten minutes after they’d reached altitude, and dropped his head onto Louis’ shoulder, essentially using him as a pillow for the entire journey. Once the plane had touched down, Louis gently shook the younger boy’s arm.

“Harry?” he said softly. “Harry, wake up. We’ve landed. We’re here.”

“What??” Harry demanded, his head shooting up as he looked around in total disorientation. “Where am I? What?”

“We’ve just landed at Fuerteventura,” Louis said patiently. “Plane’s just taxiing to the terminal. Thought you’d want to get your stuff ready?”

Harry blinked at him in confusion a few times, before he nodded slowly.

“Right, yes, okay,” he said uncertainly. “Uh. Sorry. For falling asleep on you. I hope I didn’t drool on you,” he added, looking somewhat mortified at the thought.

“Don’t worry about it,” Louis reassured him. “I’ve had far worse than a bit of drool on my clothes. I live with five girls.”

“Right, yeah,” Harry still seemed uncertain of everything, making Louis chuckle at his expense.

“Think someone needs some caffeine to help them wake up,” he joked.

“Did I just hear you suggest caffeine for my brother?” Gemma demanded. “Please, do not. I beg of you. H on caffeine is the worst thing in the world, I assure you.”

Louis just raised an eyebrow, while Harry shrugged.

“Don’t think I’m that bad,” he mumbled.

“Oh, you definitely are, kid,” Gemma muttered.

“Eh, whatever,” Harry huffed. “I’ll wake up in a bit on my own, anyway.”

The plane stopped at the terminal and the grounds crew aligned the tunnels, before the cabin crew began to allow people to disembark from the plane. As soon as he was able to, Louis hopped to his feet and crossed to his mum.

“Do you need me to help with El?” he asked, casting a dark look at his dad, who was still snoring his head off in his seat, an empty gin miniature bottle dangling from his fingers.

“Oh, love, would you mind?” Jay immediately said. “I wouldn’t ask, but I need to try and get the twins to calm down, and I think Lottie and Fizzy are on the verge of blows at the moment. Over a damn boyband, at that.”

“My sisters have no taste,” Louis sighed dejectedly. “I’ll go get El sorted. How about you try waking that waste of space up, see if he’ll actually lend a hand too.”

“Louis,” Jay said in a warning tone. “Don’t forget, we wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for your dad’s hard work in the office.”

Louis sighed softly, knowing that his mum was right: the family rarely went on holiday, due to the sheer numbers, logistics, and most importantly, money, involved with taking six kids on holiday at one time. But Mark Tomlinson had been working extra overtime for months on end and had been given the bonus of an all-inclusive holiday for the whole family in a villa on Fuerteventura for a fortnight. However, despite the holiday, Louis couldn’t help but think that his dad’s actions were not rectified or made any better. But it was making his mum happy, and that was really all that mattered.

Louis carefully lifted his smallest sister from his mum’s lap, cuddling her close with one arm as he grabbed the pushchair from where it had been stowed and shook it open with ease. He carefully set the sleepy child down in it, clipping her safety harness together, and grabbed his bag out of the overhead locker, before leading the elder two of his sisters down the gangway and out into the tunnel. Glancing over his shoulder, he realised he was being trailed by Harry, who was finally looking a little more with it as he shook his hair forward and then flicked it back with a hand.

“Sorry,” he apologised. “Mum told me to come on with you, so I did. Hope that’s okay?”

“Fine by me,” Louis shrugged. “Mine’s trying to round up the twins and wake up my dad, without him getting in a strop.” He sighed. “I’ll be very surprised if she succeeds. The bloke’s a grump.”

“You don’t get on with your dad?” Harry asked, tilting his head inquisitively.

“Uh,” Louis bit his lip. “Well, he’s my stepdad. My biological one was a twat as well – left Mum when I was about a week old. Mark was good at first, but since El was born and was poorly, he’s retreated into gambling and booze.” He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have dumped that on you like that.”

“It’s okay,” Harry was quick to reassure him. “You must feel like you’re under a lot of pressure.”

“That’s definitely an understatement,” Louis chuckled. “Mum’s worried cos I’ve dropped out of college to help her with the kids. She wants me to go back and get my A Levels, but I just don’t see the point. She needs my help, and her husband’s useless.”

“Can I ask a question?” Harry said nervously.

“Sure.”

“What’s wrong with… uh… El?” he asked uncertainly, looking at the pushchair.

“Elodie May,” Louis confirmed, smiling fondly down at where she was still sleeping, before he turned a serious expression to Harry. “She was born with bacterial meningitis, and it developed into septicaemia, and she had to have her feet amputated because the tissue died.” He reached down, gently tugging up a leg of her dungarees and revealing a line of plastic. “She’s got prosthetics now.”

Harry smiled softly as Elodie shifted and wriggled onto her side.

“She’s cute as hell,” he commented.

“Of course she is,” Louis said indignantly. “Definitely cuter than the oldest one. Lottie had a weird old man face when she was a baby.”

“Oi!” squawked the sister in question, making Louis laugh and sling an arm around her neck, pulling her into a side hug. “You suck, Lewis.”

“Stop calling me Lewis, you little shit,” he growled.

“Stop swearing, or I’m gonna tell Mum,” Lottie replied in the same growl.

“It’s like looking in a mirror,” Gemma commented, coming up behind Harry. “You’re just as annoying, H.”

Harry shot her a glare and gently hip-checked her.

“Rude,” he said.

“Are you sure you’re siblings?” Louis asked. “You’re not very violent.”

“He’s a hair puller when he gets started,” Gemma shrugged.

“She bites,” Harry added. “We’re not allowed to get into it in public. Mum threatened our pocket money.”

“When we were, like, seven and four,” Gemma added. “It’s stuck with us enough that we don’t even risk it.”

“Are you two fighting again?” Jay asked, sighing heavily as she approached the small group. “Couldn’t you just… be nice? At least until we’re at the villa?”

“Sorry Mum,” Louis and Lottie chorused, immediately letting go of each other.

Once the luggage was collected, the whole group made their way outside and onto the waiting bus. Louis carefully lifted Elodie out of the pushchair and handed her easily to Harry, who looked surprised, confused, and somewhat overwhelmed all at once.

“Uhh, Louis?” he said uncertainly, carefully wriggling Elodie around so she was settled more comfortably.

“You’re good with her, lad,” Louis gave him a quick grin as he began to collapse the pushchair down to slip it into the storage under the bus. “I’ll grab her back in just a sec.” He took a couple of the cases from his mum and slid them in as well, before he turned back to Harry. “See? All good.”

“Please at least give me a bit of warning next time,” Harry huffed softly, gently passing Elodie back and chuckling as she just wriggled into Louis’ hold. “She sleeps like a log.”

“She hates flying, so Mum gets her some very mild meds from the doctor,” Louis explained. “She’ll be a right terror when she wakes up. That’s when the fun starts,” he added with a snicker.

The rest of the journey to the holiday complex was relatively uneventful, with Anne and Jay sitting together, and leaving everyone else to sort themselves out (which really meant that Louis made sure that Lottie and Fizzy kept an eye on the twins, Gemma kept an eye on them all, Harry stayed with Louis, and Mark – who’d stopped at the bar while everyone was waiting on their luggage – had dropped into a seat at the back and promptly gone back to sleep).

Once they were checked in, the two families split up to go get settled into their separate villas, while agreeing to meet up for an early dinner at the pool-side restaurant. Louis pushed Elodie along the path behind Jay and the twins, Lottie and Fizzy either side of him, and Mark bringing up the rear.

“Soooo, Louis,” Lottie started, leaning against his side.

“Yes, oh pain of mine,” he replied, not looking at her.

“Do you _like_ Harry?” she giggled.

“Like Harry, or _like_ , like Harry?” Fizzy asked, leaning forward to peer around at her sister.

“Definitely _like_ , like,” Lottie nodded enthusiastically.

“What in the world are you two on about now?” Louis asked, looking from one girl to the other in bafflement.

“You can tell us!” Lottie insisted. “We won’t say anything!”

Louis ran a hand over his face, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he eventually said.

“Better not be saying what I think you’re saying,” Mark said gruffly as he stomped past them. “Else you’ll be out on your ear, boy.”

Louis frowned, slipping a reassuring arm around Fizzy’s shoulders as both she and Lottie shrunk against him.

“It’s okay, loves,” he said softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He waited until they were in their villa and the girls had been shown their rooms, before he shut the door behind him in his own room and sighed heavily, letting his head drop back against the door with a low thunk. Louis was well aware of Mark’s homophobic views – both him and his dad, Keith, had never kept their opinions quiet – but he also knew that Jay was ready to go to war against Mark if Louis ever felt confident enough to be out publicly, not just to her. He knew the girls were only joking; Jay had made sure to counteract the poison from their dad so that they were all aware that they could be with whoever they wanted, but hearing his visceral words had definitely been like a direct punch in the stomach.

Louis crossed the room and dropped onto the bed with another heavy sigh. He had the unnerving feeling that this was going to be their last holiday as a family of eight, because Jay’s patience was running incredibly thin with Mark’s attitude, and if it didn’t change during those two weeks, Louis could almost guarantee that his stepfather would be the one out on his ear.

◎◎◎◎◎◎

The first few days of the holiday passed in a sunny, poolside, hazy blur, with a lot of dozing on sun loungers, splashing in the kids’ pool, mocktails from the pool bar, and an excess of food from the all-inclusive menu. Louis’ skin had deepened to a naturally dark caramel colour within the first day of being in the sunshine, while Harry forgot the sunscreen so had promptly resembled a lobster.

The two boys had successfully taught both of the twins to swim and were working on Elodie, who, while enjoying being in the shallow parts of the water splashing Louis as much as possibly, wasn’t particularly convinced by the deeper areas, and absolutely hated being on her front in it. After one particularly spectacular meltdown about their attempt at getting her to try and swim, Louis and Harry had given in and agreed to just let her play about, rather than forcing her to learn.

Gemma had been an unexpected ally as far as Louis was concerned – she was more than willing to take on looking after the older two girls, keeping them company when they weren’t at the organised entertainment. Louis had taken her to one side that very first day and explained that he wanted the fortnight to be as chill as possible for his mum, briefly touching on his suspicions about the potential expiry date on the marriage. Gemma, having been through her own parents’ divorce, was more than willing to help out, teaching Lottie how to apply makeup with muted, natural tones, while at the same time talking to Fizzy in a surprisingly grown up way about human rights, female empowerment, and equality.

Both mums had been completely relaxing. Louis had assured both of them at dinner the first night that all of the kids would be fine with little to no monitoring throughout the holiday, as the older three were going to be taking on the responsibility. Jay had made an attempt at protesting, not wanting anyone to miss out on a holiday, but had quietened down when both Gemma and Harry had chimed in their support.

Mark hadn’t said a word, only ordered another beer.

It had taken only four days for their joyous and peaceful holiday bubble to shatter.

Louis had just put Elodie down for her afternoon nap in her room, and returned to the lounge area, where Harry was stretched out on one of the sofas in just his swimming trunks, flicking through the music channels on the large TV.

“All the music’s in Spanish,” he commented, glancing up at Louis.

“Wow, that’s a shocker,” Louis chuckled, gently tapping at Harry’s feet and sitting down on the sofa with them in his lap. “We’re in Spain, how dare the music be Spanish.”

“I’m just surprised, is all,” Harry shrugged. “I thought there would be a lot more British or American artists on their telly.”

“Isn’t there a film on?” Louis asked. “Or Friends? Friends is always on everywhere all the time.”

“I think it’s dubbed over with Spanish,” Harry replied slowly, tapping at the buttons on the remote, letting out a low hum as Louis began to gently rub his feet. “That’s nice.”

“Saw you hobbling a bit earlier,” Louis commented casually. “Figured it was your feet.”

“My back, actually,” Harry sighed. “Mum reckons it’s growing pains. She thinks I’m gonna be tall, like her dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” Harry nodded slowly. “Ah ha!” He pressed another button, and promptly screwed his nose up as Ross said Rachel in a Spanish accent. “Oh bugger.”

“How can they have Friends dubbed?” Louis demanded. “That’s completely shit! Who do I complain to?”

Harry let out a loud honk of a laugh, curling up a little at the force of his amusement.

“I’m not sure there is anyone to complain to,” he managed to get out. “I think we’re just stuck with shittily dubbed Spanish Friends, or Spanish music.”

“Put the Spanish music back,” Louis sighed. “At least we might get like… Shakira, or Enrique Iglesias or Ricky Martin.”

Harry chuckled but did as he was instructed, beaming at Louis when Enrique’s Hero began a few moments later.

“You cured it!” he exclaimed, sitting up and throwing his arms around Louis in celebration.

Louis laughed loudly, hugging Harry back for a moment, before he started to sing along theatrically.

“ _Would you dance, if I asked you to dance_?” he jumped to his feet, pulling Harry along and spinning him around easily. “ _Or would you run, and never look back_?” Louis tugged Harry in close and wrapped one arm around his waist. “ _Would you cry, if you saw me crying_?” Harry snickered softly as Louis dipped him dramatically, his head nearly touching the ground, before Louis pulled him back up slowly. “ _And would you save my soul tonight_?”

Louis blinked slowly as he met Harry’s eyes once he was upright again, licking his lips carefully and gently biting the bottom one as he felt Harry’s breath catch in his throat.

“L-Louis,” he stammered out in barely a whisper.

“Harry, can I…?” Louis began.

“Yes,” came the immediate reply.

Louis didn’t give Harry any opportunity to change his mind, instead lowering his head slightly and pressing his lips carefully to Harry’s, feeling him sigh softly and tighten his grip on Louis’ shoulders. After a few moments, Louis pulled back, smiling softly at Harry.

“ _ You can take my breath away _ ,” he sang quietly, gently nudging at Harry’s nose with his.

Harry looked at him, barely breathing and with his eyes blown wide, staying still for a couple of beats, before he leaned in and kissed Louis again. Louis immediately sank into it, stroking one hand slowly up and down Harry’s back.

“What the actual fuck is going on here?” a voice loudly broke through the moment, causing both boys to leap apart and stare at the door in horror as Mark stomped through it. “I thought you were keeping an eye on your sister, Lewis, not taking the opportunity to get your twinky hands on your little boyfriend. Fucking disgusting little shirtlifters.”

Harry choked hard and immediately wrapped his arms around his middle, while Louis stepped in front of him protectively.

“What the fuck?” he demanded. “How dare you say shit like that?”

“It’s the fucking truth, you pair of pansies,” Mark continued, before he pointed a finger at Louis. “You can pack your shit when we get back and move the fuck out. In fact, you can pack up your crap here and leave now. I don’t want your filthy queer ideas anywhere near my girls.” He curled his lip in disgust. “Should’ve thrown you out as soon as I got married to your mother. Knew you were gonna be trouble, what with that loser dickhead of a father and all.”

Louis flinched back at the mention of his biological father, leaning back into Harry’s shaky but supportive hold.

“That. Is. Enough.”

The words were low but filled the living room with the power of their rage, as Jay stepped through the door and stood firmly between Mark and the two boys. She glared at Mark for a moment, before she turned slowly to check on Louis and Harry.

“Are you okay, loves?” she asked them quietly, reaching out to gently touch Louis’ cheek.

“We’re okay, Mum,” Louis said weakly, stepping back again so he was beside Harry, who quickly found his hand and gripped it tightly. “I…”

“Shh, let me handle this,” she said softly. “Stay there, okay? Anne and Gemma have got the girls.”

With a final nod, Jay turned back to face Mark, an eyebrow raised.

“Are you actually going to take that fag’s side?” he demanded.

“How many more slurs are you going to throw at my son?” Jay asked calmly. “I’d like to know so that I can keep a record for the divorce application.”

Mark looked at her for a moment and then laughed.

“You won’t divorce me, Johannah,” he snickered. “You wouldn’t fucking dare.”

“Oh, just try me,” she challenged him, folding her arms over her chest. “You are not the man I married, Mark. You’re narrow-minded, prejudiced, and judgemental, even to the extent of allowing your stupid, outdated ideas overshadow the way you see my son. And I’m not having that in my house any longer.”

“Your house?” he asked in disbelief. “No, darling. I bought that house. You were too busy laid on your back, pushing out babies, remember?”

“I remember,” Jay nodded. “I also remember that it was my parents’ money that paid for the deposit on the house, and that it was my dad who paid the mortgage payments for the past twelve months, because you’ve been gambling your wages away. I think you’ve forfeited any right to my home with your own actions.”

Louis glanced at Harry, seeing the fear and shame and desperation reflected back at him, as they both clung to each other, unable to do anything else but watch and listen to Jay and Mark’s marriage completely implode.

As soon as Mark stormed out of the villa, after Jay had insisted on him leaving the property, Jay spun around and pulled both of the boys into a tight hug.

“Oh, poppets,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.” She pulled back, gently stroking over their hair, leaning forward to press a kiss to each of their foreheads, before hugging them both again. “Are you alright?”

“We’re okay, Mum,” Louis mumbled.

“We’re fine, Mrs Tomlinson,” Harry echoed.

“Harry, how many more times, love?” she said gently. “It’s Jay, remember?”

“Right, right, Jay,” he repeated, still holding on tightly to Louis’ hand.

It took a long time for the pair to settle down, but to Louis’ relief, it seemed like the last thing that Harry wanted was to be apart from Louis. Instead, he curled up tightly against Louis’ side on the sofa, hiding his face in Louis’ shoulder.

Louis waited until his mum left to go check on Elodie before he spoke quietly.

“Are you really okay?” he asked quietly.

“Feel a bit sick,” Harry admitted. “Your dad, people like him, they’re the exact reason I don’t want to be out. It scares me so much.”

Louis pressed a kiss to his temple.

“I completely understand that,” he replied softly. “I’d told Mum, but we kept it from Dad. Him and Grandpa Keith are the same. Always going on about shirt-lifters and fudge-packers ruining everything.” He sighed. “Always planned on coming out when I went to uni, but I made the decision to help Mum with El, so uni wasn’t on the cards. Even less likely now that she’s booted him out.”

“But if he’s gone, then you could be out anyway?” Harry suggested quietly. “It’s not like you’ve got anyone at home who’d be against it. Your mum’s awesome, and your sisters all adore you.”

Louis gave him a small smile.

“I guess you’re right,” he nodded. “I could do that.” He sighed heavily. “That was intense.”

“Hmm, not exactly how I’d imagined my first kiss going,” Harry admitted, immediately blushing when Louis looked at him quickly. “Don’t make a big deal of it.”

“Your first kiss?” Louis asked, his eyes wide.

“I said don’t make it a deal,” Harry insisted. “But yes. It doesn’t matter, okay? The first part of it was wonderful. It was only after we got to the second kiss that it all went to hell.”

Louis eyed him uncertainly.

“Can I at least give you another kiss, so you know that the world doesn’t go to shit whenever you kiss a boy?” he asked.

“Is this just your smooth way of getting another kiss?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Depends, is it working?”

“Yeah, it’s working,” Harry chuckled.

He leaned in close to Louis, gently brushing their lips together. As he began to pull back, Louis gently gripped his hips, holding Harry in place as he leaned in again and kissed him firmly, keeping the pace slow and measured. Harry sighed softly, slowly sliding his hands up over Louis’ shoulders and wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck as they kept kissing slowly and determinedly. After quietly making out for a few minutes, Harry reluctantly pulled away, his cheeks bright red.

“Well, uh, that’s, uh, probably how it should’ve gone?” he stammered.

“Definitely how it should’ve gone,” Louis agreed, nudging gently at Harry’s shoulder. “You’re pretty damn amazing…” He frowned and looked at Harry for a moment. “What’s your surname?”

“Styles.”

Louis let out a snort.

“No, seriously,” he grinned.

“Seriously,” Harry nodded.

“Dear god, what were your parents thinking?” Louis demanded. “It sounds like a porn star’s name! Harry Styles, size queen extraordinaire!”

“Louis!” Harry protested, flushing hard.

“I’m just saying,” Louis shrugged, then smiled, pressing another kiss to Harry’s skin. “Nah, I’m joking. It suits you.”

“Thank you,” Harry said drily, before he sighed heavily. “I should probably talk to Mum and Gemma. I’d rather tell them myself, than have them work it out, or Jay tell them, or Jay have to work out how  _ not _ to tell them.”

“You know where I am if you need me at all,” Louis said quietly. “We’re in this whole shit together now.”

“Ahh, that’s where Kenny Ortega went wrong with the High School Musical series,” Harry commented. “That’s what should’ve been the school song. ‘We’re all in this shit together’. Not sure it rolls off the tongue as well, but, y’know.”

“You’re a little shit, Styles,” Louis chuckled. “Now fuck off with you. Go see your Mum.”

Harry stood up and mock saluted, before he turned and left the villa, leaving Louis on his own for a few blissful moments. Louis rested his fingers lightly against his lips, still feeling Harry’s on them, as well as the sensation of being completely secure in his identity and self, for what felt like the first time in his life.


	5. 2014

Harry took a deep breath, suddenly gripping Zayn’s arm tightly and getting a quick, worried look for it.

“You okay, bro?” Zayn asked, keeping his voice low.

“Dunno yet,” Harry mumbled.

Zayn frowned and looked around, giving Paul a smile before he turned to stand in front of Harry, keeping his head close as he talked.

“Is something wrong? Do I need to get you out of here? Is there someone here you don’t want to see?” he asked, his tone verging on urgency.

Harry took another breath, looked over Zayn’s shoulder for a moment and then returned his gaze.

“Remember me talking about Louis?” he said slowly.

“Of course, love,” Zayn said softly. “The one that got away. First love. Beautiful blue eyes.”

“Yeah, him,” Harry flickered a smile. “Well, he’s here. With his little sister, Elodie.”

Zayn visibly stopped himself looking around, instead choosing to gently squeeze Harry’s arm.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

“What can I do?” Harry shrugged helplessly. “They’re here to see One Direction. We need to give them the full experience.” He rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair, scrambling to catch his hat as he knocked it off his head. “Fuck. I never expected this, Zaynie. How the fuck do I deal with this?”

“He stopped answering your texts and emails, didn’t he?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded slowly. “I know things got really weird with his family after that holiday, because his parents split up. But we managed to keep in contact until, like… right before I auditioned? Then it was like I was talking to a brick wall.”

“In which case, you’re the wronged party here,” Zayn reasoned. “You have every right to refuse him entry to the meet and greet, but if you want to go ahead with it –”

“I couldn’t refuse Elodie, she’s adorable,” Harry interjected quickly.

“– then we’ve got your back,” Zayn continued. “We’ll make sure that you don’t have to interact with him very much, if at all. Just… let us know.”

Niall and Liam had realised that something was happening and had excused themselves quickly from the rest of the proceedings, making up a random excuse about band surprises and plots, coming back to Zayn and Harry quickly.

“Lads, what’s going on?” Niall asked, laughing nervously.

“Harry’s ex is here,” Zayn said bluntly.

“Ooh, which one?” Liam immediately asked, starting to look around and grunting as Zayn pinched his arm to stop him. “What was that for?”

“You don’t need to look and make it obvious, Leeyum,” Zayn chastised gently.

“The one in skinny black jeans with the maroon tee,” Harry sighed softly. “Fringe all swoopy across his forehead. Adorable little sister in a wheelchair next to him.”

“Wow, you sure catalogued a lot from a quick glance,” Zayn said in amazement.

Harry shrugged a little, shifting his feet uncertainly.

“So, what’s the game plan?” Niall asked. “Are we getting him removed? Are we going ahead with it all? Are we openly mocking the bloke? What?”

“He stays, no mocking, we go ahead,” Harry said firmly. “Elodie is a wish child, and this is her wish. We cannot ruin this for her.”

“In that case, can we just… get back to it?” Liam asked, glancing over his shoulder as Paul began to approach. “Cos else we’re gonna get our asses kicked by Dad.”

“Ah shit, okay,” Zayn followed Liam’s gaze. “Let’s get to it.”

“We need a surprise,” Niall blurted out. “We said it was secret band plans.”

“We could sing something new acapella?” Liam suggested. “Give them a sneak peek of the album?”

They all looked at Harry, who sighed softly, knowing that the last song they’d recorded was one he had written.

“Fine, fine,” he conceded. “We’ll do a bit of Hearts.” He rubbed at his face again, muttering under his breath. “Never thought he’d actually be  _ right there _ when I sang the damn song…”

The group walked over to Paul, who looked at them all suspiciously as he handed out their mics.

“Do I wanna know?” he eventually asked.

“Probably not, to be completely honest,” Harry smiled. “It’s all good though, Paul. Promise. No chaos or mischief to be found here. We’re just gonna, y’know, sing one of the new songs for them?”

Paul stared at the four-piece for a moment, before letting out a heavy sigh and waving a hand at them.

“Fine, fine, whatever, I didn’t hear that,” he muttered. “Just get out there and crack on with it.”

“Love you, Paul!” Niall grinned.

Paul rolled his eyes and stepped out of the way, allowing the band to walk out in front of the backdrop, waving to the small gathering of children and their family members.

“Hello!” Liam called into his mic. “How’s everyone this afternoon? You good?”

A small cheer rippled through the kids.

“Oh, surely you can do better than that?” Harry asked, holding one arm out to them. “Are you good?” A few chuckles preceded the louder cheer. “That’s more like it, that’s more like it.” He glanced around the room, trying not to fixate his focus on Louis, even though he could feel Louis’ eyes locked onto him. “We’re One Direction, thank you for having us here today, thank you to your amazing families for bringing you here from all over the country to come see us, and thank you to Rays of Sunshine for organising this fantastic event.”

“First up, we’re gonna answer some questions, tell you a bit about what we’re doing at the moment,” Niall continued. “We might even have a bit of a sing-song, with a bit of an exclusive from our next album if you’re really lucky.”

“Don’t be giving away all our secrets yet, Nialler,” Zayn teased. “Let’s just start with the question and answer part. Who’s got something they wanna ask us?”

The boys cheerfully answered a few questions that came from the kids, and were pleasantly surprised at the depth of what they were asked – questions about their writing process, their favourite singers when they were kids, if they actually enjoyed singing What Makes You Beautiful night after night (of course they did). After a few more questions, Niall held a hand up.

“Excuse me a minute, folks,” he said. “I need a wee, so I’m gonna pop off and do that, but I’ll grab my guitar on the way back so we can have a bit of music.”

“You’re going to the loo? Now?” Liam asked him in disbelief.

“Aye,” Niall nodded. “Back in a bit, fellas.”

With that, he left his mic on the stool and sauntered off with a jovial wave to the audience.

“Can you believe the audacity?” Harry asked, shaking his head. “Sincerest apologies for the extreme levels of unprofessionalism right now. This was definitely not part of the plan.” He shook his head again, scoffing quietly. “Completely shocking.” He looked at Zayn and Liam. “What do you think we should do while he’s gone?”

“Answer a few more questions?” Liam suggested. “Maybe take a few dares?”

“Let’s not dive into those dangerous waters,” Zayn chuckled. “But questions are fine. Just don’t ask us anything Ireland related, because we’re not going to get them right if the leprechaun’s not here.”

Liam looked out over the audience, pointing at someone.

“What do you wanna know, love?” he asked.

Harry peered at the faces, trying to work out who had the microphone, and froze when he realised it was in Elodie’s hands.

“Hii, my name’s Elodie,” she said clearly. “I really like that you don’t have structured dance routines, because I have plastic legs – I was very poorly when I was a baby, so they had to be cut off – and it means I can’t dance properly. But I was wondering why you don’t have proper routines?”

“Elodie, you are incredibly brave for coming here and asking such an amazing question,” Zayn told her. “To answer it, we don’t have routines because none of us can dance properly. And we don’t even have the excuse of plastic legs. We’re just shockingly bad dancers.”

“This is incredibly true,” Liam agreed, nodding along.

“Speak for yourselves,” Harry sniffed affectedly. “Personally, I could dance with the best of them. Darcey Bussell better be watching her back, or I’m gonna come take her role with the Royal Ballet.”

“I don’t think Darcey Bussell’s danced as principal with the Royal Ballet for a while, mate,” Zayn snickered. “Plus, you fall over nothing walking barefoot over a flat surface, I’m fairly certain you’d get your toes in a tangle with pliés and jetés.”

Harry gasped dramatically, pressing an affected hand to his chest, before he burst out laughing.

“Thank you for your question, Elodie,” he eventually managed. “But Zayn is absolutely correct – we’re nice enough lads, but terrible dancers,” he finished with a grin.

Harry watched as Louis leaned in to whisper something against Elodie’s ear, before she lifted the mic again.

“My brother says you just need the right person to lead you,” she said clearly. “Whatever that means,” she added, shrugging carelessly.

Harry promptly blushed hard and looked directly at Louis, remembering the dance in the villa to Enrique Iglesias and what had happened afterwards: his first kiss.

“Oi oii!” Niall called, disturbing the moment as he appeared to one side, brandishing an acoustic guitar. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything incredibly important, but I have a guitar! So, there can be music!”

Harry tore his gaze away from Louis and bit his lip, feeling his heart sink at the thought of actually performing the song they’d decided on. Once Niall had rejoined them on the mini stage, Harry leaned in, covering Zayn’s mic.

“Are we definitely going with Hearts?” he asked uncertainly.

“That’s what you said before?” Liam said quizzically. “Do you wanna change it?”

“I just… maybe another? Would be better?”

“It’s all upbeat and feelgood,” Niall commented, strumming the guitar once.

“Yeah, but the words aren’t exactly cheerful,” Harry pointed out, starting to feel a little desperate.

“C’mon, H,” Zayn said soothingly. “He’s not gonna associate it with him. Unless you keep freaking out in front of him about it. So just… try not to stare at him while we’re singing, yeah?”

Harry let out a shaky breath before he nodded slowly in agreement.

“Okay,” he mumbled. “Let’s do this, then.”

After another confirming nod, Liam smiled out at the audience and lifted his mic to speak.

“Sorry about that, folks,” he began. “Just a bit of last-minute confirmation on the song we’re going to do for you. And we’ve got a bit of an exclusive performance for you! Oooh!”

“This is taken from our upcoming album, which is as yet untitled, because we can’t agree on what we want it to be,” Zayn continued. “We want it to be one thing, but the label keeps saying something else, so we’ve reached a stalemate on it. That’s fun.”

“We’ll win, lads,” Niall said confidently. “We always do.” He adjusted the guitar on his knee. “So, this song was written by the lovely Mr Harold Styles, and we finished recording it, uh… yesterday? Yeah. So that’s why we’ve gone with this one. Cos we actually remember it.”

“Hopefully we do, anyway,” Harry added, giving Zayn a teasing nudge and getting a glare in return. “This is Where Do Broken Hearts Go… and no, not the Whitney song.”

Niall let out a loud cackle as he began to strum the chords, adding in a few extra bars to cover his amusement before he leaned in to start singing. Harry nodded his head along, shutting his eyes for a moment as he just listened. This was a track he was incredibly proud of, one that he’d had notes scribbled down in his notebook ever since that holiday in Fuerteventura, and every time he sang it, he was taken back to that time – how confusing, how enlightening, how scary, but ultimately how thrilling that time had been.

As the middle eight approached, Harry opened his eyes as he lifted the mic, immediately locking onto Louis’ and holding his gaze as he sang gently along to Niall’s guitar.

“ _Tell me now, tell me now, tell me where you go when you feel afraid?_  
_ Tell me now, tell me now, tell me will you ever love me again, love me again?_” 

Harry bit his lip as he watched Louis visibly swallow and rub a hand over his face. Taking a deep breath, Harry joined in with the last chorus, belting out the lines and adlibs, before he grinned at the lads, unable to hide his pride at how well they’d pulled the performance off, as the small audience cheered and clapped. Zayn gently punched his arm and winked at him, while both Liam and Niall held out their fists for bumps.

“Thank you for listening,” Harry said, nodding and holding his hands together around the mic. “That was the first time we’ve ever actually sung that song properly together, so we’re really happy that we didn’t mess it up for you.” He paused for a moment, considering his next words, but deciding to jump in at the deep end. “I wrote that song about a particularly difficult, but also incredibly happy time in my life, that I managed to mess up entirely and years later, I’m still not sure how to make it right.” He gave a self-deprecating shrug, then looked at Niall. “DJ Horan, are we doing anything else? Do I need to get some water?”

At the request of a few of the kids, they sang What Makes You Beautiful and a short rendition of Teenage Dirtbag, before one of the Rays of Sunshine organisers stepped in and announced that it was time for the actual meet and greets, with photo opportunities. As a significant number of the kids present had anxiety issues, the meet and greet section was going to be moved to one of the smaller rooms of the arena, so that they weren’t in front of a large group of people, and so the children could have a more meaningful experience.

After most of the wish children had gone through, Harry excused himself to go use the loo, washing his hands after and splashing a bit of cold water on his face in an attempt to try and calm himself down a bit. He leaned his weight on his hands against the sink, gazing at his reflection for a few moments as he breathed slowly, settling his heartrate, which had been running on overtime ever since he’d spotted Louis in the arena. Once he felt like he had a little more self-control, Harry straightened his spine and squared his shoulders, bracing himself to return to the room.

As soon as he walked through the door, he realised he couldn’t have timed it worse if he’d tried – Louis and Elodie were entering from the opposite side at the exact same time. Harry felt his pulse immediately shoot back up again, and anxious sweat begin to gather at the back of his neck.

“This is Elodie, and her big brother Louis,” the rep from Rays of Sunshine introduced them both.

Harry had never been more thankful for his bandmates than he was in that moment, as all three of them immediately clamoured around Elodie, who was standing a little uncertainly alongside Louis. Zayn carefully took her hand from Louis’, giving him a reassuring nod, and led her over to a chair to sit on, all while Niall chattered away to her. Harry breathed in deeply and let it out slowly, before he slowly moved around the room, stopping next to Louis.

“Hi,” he said quietly, internally rolling his eyes at how ridiculous he was being.

“Alright, mate?” Louis replied. “M’Louis, El’s brother.”

“Louis…”

“Don’t.”

“I –” Harry started again.

“I mean it,” Louis interrupted. “Don’t start, Harry. Not here. Not now. Today’s about El. Not me, not you, not our weird, fucked up, twisted past.”

Harry inhaled sharply, looking at Louis quickly.

“It wasn’t,” he hissed indignantly, holding up a hand when Louis tried to interrupt him again. “No, Louis. I’m not letting you do that,” he continued, keeping his voice low so as not to attract any attention from anyone else in the room. “You are not rewriting what happened with us in any way to try and diminish it.”

“Diminish it?” Louis raised an eyebrow. “Big words, love.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a big boy now,” Harry retorted. “And I’m not letting you undermine everything that we went through.”

“You keep saying these words, Harold, and I’m really not sure you know what they mean,” Louis said coolly, not even noticing that the nickname had slipped out. He glanced over at Harry, looking him slowly up and down, before returning his attention to his sister. “I know exactly what we went through. The difference between us is that I continued to live through it. You swanned off to join a band and fucked off back into the fucking closet.” He swallowed hard; his jaw clenched. “I had to answer questions from Lottie and Fizzy about why you were flirting with girls on the telly.”

“Louis, I –”

“No, I’m sorry, Harry. I already said I can’t talk about this here, now.”

“Meet me after,” Harry blurted out.

Louis looked at him in disbelief, then folded his arms over his chest.

“And who do you think is going to be looking after Elodie while we’re having this meeting?” he asked incredulously.

“The boys can keep an eye on her,” Harry replied confidently. “Zayn’s got little sisters, and Niall’s got a nephew. They’ll be able to handle it for like, half an hour.”

“You really think we can get this sorted out in thirty minutes?” Louis shook his head slowly. “Unbelievable.”

“Louis, I’m trying, okay?”

“Too little, too late.”

Harry ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, while Louis continued to watch Elodie.

“Look, you should go talk to El,” Louis said after a moment. “She’s been excited about this for weeks. Please don’t ruin the whole thing for her.”

“I’m not… trying to  _ ruin _ anything,” Harry muttered.

“Whatever, just go do your fucking job,” Louis replied firmly. “Before I start getting really pissed off.”

“You mean you aren’t already?” Harry snapped, starting to walk over to join his bandmates without waiting for a response. As soon as he got near, his professionalism took over and he put on a bright smile. “Elodie!” he exclaimed loudly. “How are you? You look amazing, I love your boots!”

Elodie smiled shyly, looking down at her sparkly blue Doc Martens.

“My Mummy got them for me,” she said proudly. “For my new feet!”

“They are absolutely fantastic, and if they were a few sizes bigger, I’m not sure I’d be able to let you leave with them,” Harry said to her seriously. “In fact, I may need you to speak with Caroline, who looks after our wardrobe, and tell her exactly where your Mummy got them from, because I want a pair of them of my very own.”

“You do?” Elodie asked, her eyes wide in awe.

“Definitely,” he nodded, before he looked around at Paul. “Paul, can we get Caz here please?”

Paul gives him one of his patented ‘are you fucking serious?’ looks, but sighs when Harry pouts a little and crosses to one of the doors, sticking his head out to ask someone to go over to the stadium to fetch Caroline.

“She’ll be here in a bit,” he replied gruffly.

“Thanks, Paul!” Harry beamed, then looked back at Elodie. “Caroline will be here soon. Maybe she’ll be able to get me some quickly, so I can wear them tonight.”

“Can she do that?” Elodie gasped.

“Caroline is a wardrobe fairy,” Zayn nodded seriously. “It’s magical how she’s able to sort our clothes out. Because we’re really just a bunch of smelly boys who run around onstage and sing a bit.”

“That is definitely true,” Liam agreed.

Elodie giggled into her hands.

“Now then, Miss Elodie, would you like a photo with us?” Niall asked. “We have a somewhat average professional photographer here –” Niall smirked as Cal protested from the other side of the room. “—so, we may as well make use of him.”

“This is the last wish child,” one of the organisers said quietly to Zayn as they all began to move over to the area with the backdrop. “We’ve already taken the rest for dinner, so this is entirely on your schedule now.”

Zayn nodded at her, then excused himself for a moment, crossing to Harry.

“Do you want me to have a word with Louis?” he asked. “Elodie’s the last of the kids for the meet and greets, so we can either give her a bit of extra time, so that you can actually go talk to Louis and sort this shit out, or we can just give her extra time so you can prove to him that you’re not as big a dickhead as he obviously thinks you are.”

Harry looked at him for a moment, then sighed heavily.

“Lou won’t leave Elodie here, so it’ll have to be plan b,” he admitted reluctantly. “I’m hoping I don’t look like a right knob to him, with the whole boots thing.” He rubbed at his face tiredly. “This is ridiculous. I should be over him or something.”

“Unresolved first love is a bitch,” Zayn nodded wisely.

“Oh, please, you and Liam got your shit together fairly quickly once Ni and I locked you in that damn cupboard,” Harry glared a little.

“Is that what you need? Locking in a cupboard?”

Harry glared even more, before taking his place alongside Niall in the photo line-up and smiling brightly.

“Do we even want to know what you two were talking about?” Liam asked.

“Nope,” Harry and Zayn chorused.

“Hey, does big bro Lou wanna get in with us?” Niall asked cheerfully, holding out a hand towards Louis, who shook his head and backed away a little.

“Yeah, Lou!” Elodie practically cheered. “You come here too!”

“Nah, El,” he said. “You’re the superfan here, munchkin. I’m good watching.”

“Please, Louis,” she asked, turning on the puppy-eyed look that she knew always worked.

Louis held out for a few moments, before he sighed heavily.

“Fine, fine,” he relented. “Where do you want me?”

Elodie trotted over to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the setup and positioning him in the centre between Zayn and Harry, before she turned around in front of him and leaning back against his legs. Louis had begun to bristle at being so close to Harry again, but at Elodie’s actions, he relaxed and gently rested his hands on her shoulders, looking over at the camera easily.

“You look like you should be part of the group, dude,” Cal commented with a chuckle.

“Nah, I can’t sing for shit, mate,” Louis replied, hissing when Elodie elbowed his thigh, and therefore not seeing Harry’s sharp look. “Ow.”

“Language, Lewis,” she said huffily.

“Sorry, munchkin,” he immediately apologised.

“Also, you can sing, you just don’t get enough practice,” she sniffed. “Mummy says you were in a musical when I was a baby. You played Danny in Grease.”

“That I did, lass,” Louis agreed. “That was a long time ago though. Now I help Mummy with you and the others, don’t I? No time for silly things like musicals.”

Harry listened to the siblings talking and felt his heart break all over again. One of the things he remembered talking about with Louis was their plans for the future, and Louis had been saying that Jay was insistent on his returning to school for drama. Obviously, this was something that hadn’t happened, and Harry couldn’t help but feel guilty, that his dreams had come true – far beyond his wildest expectations – while Louis’ had seemingly gone nowhere.

“Don’t even think about feeling sorry for me,” Louis suddenly muttered. “I made my decisions based on what was best for the family. I couldn’t be selfish. Mum needed me. That was all that mattered.”

Harry physically bit his tongue to stop any kind of response, instead just letting his thoughts run riot around his head. Things could have been so much different.


	6. Summer 2010

Mark had left under a dark cloud, going to the airport with a suitcase of his clothes, a hangover, and no key to let himself in when he got back. Jay had insisted that he either stayed with his parents or found himself a hotel, because there was no way he was setting foot inside her house again; she would get his things packed up and delivered to him when she returned home.

Harry had felt a little sick as he’d watched from the window as Mark stormed off through the complex but had taken a deep breath and turned to look at his mum and his sister, both sat looking at him expectantly on the sofa. He’d quietly told them that he needed to talk to them, but that it was going to be hard for him, so they were both being incredibly patient and waiting for him to speak.

“Uh,” he started, hugging himself tightly. “I, uh. I don’t know how to say this, if I’m honest.”

“Remember our rules, darling,” Anne said gently. “If you’re not sure how to say something politely, just say it as it’s in your head, and we’ll deal with polite later.”

“I’m gay,” he blurted out. “I… I’m gay, I fancy boys, not girls, and I really fancy Louis, and it’s mutual, and we kissed, and his dad saw us, and he completely flipped his shit at us, but Jay came in and now Mr Tomlinson’s going home, but all I can think about right now is that I want to kiss Louis again, which is really insensitive and completely unnecessary right now, but I apparently have no control over my thoughts at all, and I really need you to be cool with this, because if you’re not, I think I’m gonna completely lose my shit.”

Anne and Gemma stared at Harry for a few moments after his outburst finished, leaving him panting softly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk that fast before,” Gemma eventually managed.

“Or say that much in one go,” Anne agreed.

“Mum…” Harry sighed exasperatedly.

“Sorry, darling,” she immediately apologised, before getting up and crossing to hug him tightly. “I love you, my beautiful boy. There is nothing in this world you are capable of doing that would stop that.”

“Not even murder?” Harry mumbled.

“I said that you are capable of doing,” Anne chastised gently. “There’s no way you could murder anyone. And I really don’t care that you’re gay, my love. You’re still Harry, my son, my little rockstar with stars in his eyes.” She smiled softly at him, then pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you so much.”

Harry took a deep breath, leaning against her for a few moments as he fought to hold it together, before he looked over at Gemma.

“Oh, I couldn’t care less where you wanna stick your dick, baby brother,” she said with a wave of her hand, ignoring Anne’s scandalised ‘Gemma!’. “As long as I don’t get any detailed information, everything’s every kind of cool with me.” She stood and crossed to his side. “I love you, you big dork.”

At her words, Harry felt his eyes promptly fill with tears and he curled in on himself as he began to cry in earnest, causing Gemma to look at Anne worriedly.

“I was being nice!” she insisted.

“I think that’s what made him cry,” Anne observed, gently rubbing Harry’s back and rocking him slowly, letting him cry for a while until he slowly began to quieten. “Poor lamb’s getting completely overwhelmed.” She guided him to the sofa, settling him down and tugging a blanket over him. “You need to sleep, my darling boy. We’ll still be here when you wake.”

“Promise?” he mumbled, looking up at her.

“I promise,” Anne swore.

◎◎◎◎◎◎

The next morning at breakfast, Harry hesitantly followed Anne and Gemma to the noisy Tomlinson table, hanging back as they both said their hellos and slipped into empty seats, helping themselves to coffee and toast. Louis was distracted with convincing Elodie to eat her boiled egg and soldiers, so didn’t really notice them at all. Instead, it was Jay who looked over with a warm smile.

“Good morning, Harry,” she greeted him.

“Morning, Mrs Tomli—Jay,” he corrected at her pointed look.

“Are you gonna sit down, love?” she asked, pulling out the empty chair next to her.

Swallowing hard, Harry forced himself to move around the table and sit next to Jay, his head still full of thoughts that it was his fault that Mark had left the night before. He felt his stomach churn with nerves and fear and disgust as Jay poured him out a mug of tea and grabbed him a couple of slices of toast, setting them on a plate in front of him. Harry dutifully picked up a slice and nibbled at a corner, before putting it back down, unable to face the ashy taste.

“It’s not your fault, love,” Jay suddenly said. “Mark leaving was practically an inevitability to be completely honest. You and Louis were just the catalyst.” She gently squeezed his arm. “Please don’t be beating yourself up about this. Because there’s really no need to.”

“But, the girls,” he mumbled softly. “Their dad…”

“Was barely around at the best of times,” Jay interjected. “They’re really not missing out on much by not having him here.” She glanced across the table to Louis. “Lou’s more of a father figure to all of them than Mark ever was.”

Harry looked at her quickly, his eyes wide.

“Louis’ brilliant with them,” she shrugged. “He always has been. I’ve been trying to convince him to go back to school, because he shouldn’t be home looking after his sisters, but he’s got the stubborn Poulston gene in him.” Jay chuckled softly at the confused look on Harry’s face. “He gets it from me,” she explained.

“He never mentioned anything about going back to school when we were talking,” Harry said slowly, reaching out for his cup of tea and taking a small sip. “He said about looking after Elodie, like that was it.”

“We’ve had a few arguments about it,” Jay shrugged. “I’m hoping I’ll wear him down soon. I just wish I had an idea about the timescale on that,” she chuckled. “You could be good for him though, Harry.”

“I, what?” Harry stared at her. “Me?”

“Yeah,” Jay nodded. “You remind him that he’s still a kid. That his responsibilities are ones that he assumes, not ones that are foisted on him. That’s a good thing.”

“Are you two talking about me?” Louis asked from across the table, looking at them accusingly.

“Shouldn’t eavesdrop on private conversations, Louis,” Jay immediately chastised.

“You shouldn’t be having conversations about people who are literally three foot away,” he retorted. “Stop trying to get Harry on your side in the ‘convince Louis to go to school’ campaign.” He offered Elodie another toast soldier. “I’ll go back to school as and when I’m ready, not on anyone else’s timetable.” He pulled a face as Elodie promptly squeezed it tightly, the butter oozing out between her fingers and spilling down her hand. “And at the moment, little miss El here needs me more than a classroom does. So let’s leave those discussions for another day, okay?”

Jay gave Harry an incredulous look, gesturing towards Louis in a way that practically screamed ‘look what I’ve got to put up with’. He chuckled softly, feeling a little more comforted as things were just as easy with the Tomlinsons as they always had been.

◎◎◎◎◎◎

The rest of the holiday passed for Harry and Louis in a blissful haze of sun worship, splashing and playing in the pool, exploring the small town near the complex, and exploring each other at every possible moment. They were nearly caught by either or both mothers repeatedly, and actually caught at one point by Gemma, who’d promptly clapped a hand over her eyes and yelled in disgust that she was forever blinded by what she had seen.

They knew they couldn’t take things too far – Harry was still underage, after all, and no amount of cajoling or pleading would make Louis give in. Hands stayed very firmly over the clothes when touching below the waist, if they even strayed that far south at all.

Jay and Anne had worked out between them about looking after the girls, so that Harry and Louis had plenty of time to themselves, rather than being stuck babysitting for their whole holiday.

As the second week began to draw to a close, and both families had begun to pack their cases ready for the journey home, Harry managed to find Louis and convince him to slip away for a while.

“Where are we going, Haz?” Louis asked, following him around the side of the main entertainment building, grunting as he walked into Harry’s back when he stopped with no warning. “Oh. Well. It’s quiet?”

Harry shot him an unimpressed look, before he perched on a small wall.

“What are we gonna do?” he asked, his voice small.

“What about?” Louis asked, sitting next to him.

“Us,” Harry waved a hand. “When we get home. You’re miles away. We’ll never keep this up.”

“Oh, love,” Louis slipped his arms around Harry, gently squeezing. “Of course, we will. We’ve both got mobile phones, we’ve both got the internet. We can text and call and Skype and instant message, or whatever.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Harry’s head. “I’ll be honest, I’m more worried that you’ll just forget about me. You’ve got exams and all that shit. It’ll be easy to forget about me.”

“Don’t you dare talk shit like that,” Harry hissed sharply. “You’re not easily forgotten, Louis Tomlinson. And don’t you ever dare even imply the opposite. Because that’s just a load of bollocks.”

Louis gazed at him for a moment, searching his eyes for something that Harry wasn’t even sure he understood, before Louis leaned in, pressing his lips firmly to Harry’s. Harry was immediately responsive, opening his mouth with a low moan and sucking gently at Louis’ tongue. While their first kiss may well have been Harry’s very first kiss, he was a quick and willing learner, who had picked up a few skills over the previous week and a bit. Harry slid his hands into Louis’ hair and pulled him closer, before he pushed him back and climbed into Louis’ lap, wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck as Louis gripped Harry’s hips firmly.

“Mm, H,” Louis mumbled against his lips. “Fuck, what you do to me.”

“You do the same to me,” Harry muttered, slowly rocking his hips. “Louis…”

“No, love, we can’t,” Louis said weakly, realising what Harry was trying to do. “We can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Harry practically whined.

Louis pressed a tender kiss to Harry’s throat.

“Because you’re not old enough, darling,” he said softly.

Harry pulled back, looking at Louis breathlessly.

“I looked it up, the age of consent in Spain is 13, we’re fine,” he insisted.

“Sweetheart, we’re not Spanish,” Louis said carefully. “And I don’t want to do anything that you may end up regretting in a few years.”

“I will never regret you,” Harry retorted, looking horrified at the thought. “You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me, Lou.”

Louis smiled softly, gently stroking his fingers through Harry’s hair.

“Oh, you say that now, love,” he said softly.

“Do not pull the ‘I’m older than you’ card on me,” Harry said warningly. “You’re only just two years older than me. It’s not like there’s ten years between us.”

“Okay, okay,” Louis held his hands up defensively. “No age-related comments, I promise.” He sighed heavily. “But as for what we’re going to do, well. I have actually been properly thinking about that. And maybe we could meet up at some point? I mean, the exact mid-point of Holmes Chapel and Donny is the Peak District, so maybe not there. But I could come to Manchester on the train or something?”

“You’d do that?” Harry asked, his voice full of awe.

“Course,” Louis smiled softly. “It’ll be nice. We can see the sights. Grab some food. Maybe go to the cinema or something.”

Harry beamed at him.

“That sounds perfect,” he declared, before punctuating the statement with a firm kiss. “I can’t wait to go see a romcom with you.”

“Woah, woah, hold your horses, love,” Louis immediately held a hand up. “Romcom? I didn’t say anything about a romcom. We can go see an action film or something.”

“Action films are too loud,” Harry screwed his nose up. “The bangs and explosions make me jump a lot. Same with fireworks. I don’t like them.”

Louis looked at him affectionately.

“Okay, we’ll go see a romcom,” he relented. “But you have to let me pay for it. And the drinks and snacks too.”

Harry rolled his eyes playfully.

“If you insist,” he sighed heavily, before grinning and hiding his face in Louis’ shoulder.

“I do,” Louis replied, pressing a kiss to Harry’s shoulder and then gently squeezing his hips. “C’mon, love. We need to get back and help pack. Or at least, I do.” He kissed the side of Harry’s head. “I’ll see you at dinner though. Mum said she and Anne have been pre-planning the seat assignments for the plane, so hopefully we’ll be sat together.”

“You make an excellent pillow, so I hope so,” Harry agreed, slowly getting to his feet.

Louis stood and dropped a kiss on the tip of Harry’s nose, making him screw it up and giggle quietly.

“Back to the packing,” Louis winked.

“And then back to reality,” Harry sighed.

“Unfortunately so.”


	7. 2014

After the photographs were taken, One Direction’s stylist appeared, took one look at Elodie’s boots and Harry’s pouty face, rolled her eyes, and left again. Louis couldn’t really blame her – that was the reaction he’d had as well, even if he hadn’t let it show. He sighed softly; that wasn’t entirely true. But being around Harry again was making his thoughts short circuit, and he was struggling to keep it together, so had resorted to being snippy and grumpy in self-defence.

Before anything else could be said, someone else had shown up and said that they were needed for sound check over at the stadium. Louis looked at Elodie with a smile.

“C’mon, munchkin, time for us to go get some food,” he told her.

“Unless you wanna come watch sound check?” Harry blurted out, attracting baffled looks from everyone in the room. “I, uh. I mean. We can get you in.” He gave them a sheepish smile. “We have connections, y’know.”

Louis sighed inwardly, running a hand over his face as Elodie cheered excitedly.

“El, we need to get lunch,” he said patiently. “Then you need to have a nap before this evening, otherwise you’re not going to make it through the whole concert.”

“We can get you food,” Niall shrugged. “And we’ve got plenty of places for Els to get some kip in. We’ve even got a couple of kids she can play with for a bit.”

“You make it sound like you keep them in boxes,” Louis snorted.

“Lux does like boxes,” Niall nodded sagely. “But nah, we don’t keep her in em. She’s our makeup artist’s daughter – she’s four.”

“El’s not used to kids smaller than her,” Louis said uncertainly. “But, uh…” he looked at Elodie with a raised eyebrow. “You wanna go, kiddo?”

“Please, Louis, please,” she said earnestly. “Zayn said they’ll show me where they load the, um, the –” Elodie frowned as she fumbled for the word. “Cannons,” Zayn whispered. “—the cannons with the streamers! That go boom into the crowd!”

“Is that right?” Louis asked in mild amusement, raising an eyebrow at Zayn, who shrugged. “Well, I guess I can’t really keep you from cannons that go boom, can I?” He flinched as Elodie let out a shriek of excitement. “Still using our inside voices though, love.”

He went to fetch the wheelchair from the side of the room, pushing it over next to Elodie.

“I’m gonna walk!” Elodie declared.

“Nope, putting my foot down with this one, munchkin,” Louis said easily. “In your chair. It’s all uphill to get to the stadium.”

“Lewis!” she whined in protest.

“Ooh, a wheelchair!” Liam exclaimed. “I wish I had one of those. I’d get these boys to push me around _all the time,_ so I never had to walk at all.”

Elodie looked at him uncertainly.

“If your brother wants, I can push you over,” Zayn added quietly, giving her a warm smile.

“You’d push?” Elodie asked, her eyes wide. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” he replied, then looked at Louis. “No going above the speed limit, no harsh braking, no corners on two wheels. I promise.”

Louis rolled his eyes a little and held his hands up, stepping out from behind the chair.

“If that’s what little madam here wants, then sure,” he relented. “But you have to be in the chair, El. That’s completely non-negotiable.”

Elodie watched for a moment as Zayn stepped up behind the chair, resting his hands on the handles, before she nodded once and climbed easily into the seat.

“Okay,” she agreed. “Let’s go, then.”

“Miss Elodie has spoken,” Niall announced loudly. “And so, the procession must proceed!”

He held his arm out dramatically towards the doorway, before he began to march. Liam fell into step easily behind him, with Zayn pushing Elodie after. Louis let out a snort, shaking his head at their shenanigans, before he looked at Harry, who was stood awkwardly with his arms folded over his chest.

“Fine, fine,” Louis sighed. “We can talk while we’re walking, okay?”

Harry nodded and gestured for Louis to precede him out of the door, then fell into step alongside him as they followed the noisy group through the wide corridors of the arena.

“I just, I wanted to apologise, to start,” Harry said slowly.

“Apologise?” Louis looked at him in disbelief. “That’s it? That’s all you wanted?”

“I said, to start,” Harry sighed. “I know there’s a lot more that I need to do. But that was to start.” He ran a hand through his hair. “After we got back from holiday, things seemed so easy. I had a boyfriend, my first, and things were going so damn well.”

“That’s exactly how I felt,” Louis replied, shoving his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders up. “Thought things were pretty fucking awesome, actually. Was looking forward to spending time with you and shit.”

“I got beaten up,” Harry blurted out.

Louis looked at him quickly.

“What?” he asked incredulously.

“I was talking to one of my friends about you,” Harry said slowly. “This group of lads heard me, decided that I was going to jump them in the shower – which, not likely, they were all ugly fuckers – and decided to get in first with a pounding.”

“That’s why you were really short with me, in the October,” Louis said in realisation. “And why you didn’t want to meet up in half term.”

Harry nodded.

“I had three broken ribs, a broken nose, my arm was in plaster,” Harry listed dully. “Mum insisted on pressing charges, and they were sent to juvie for twelve months.” He sighed softly. “That’s when I started retreating back into the closet, to be honest. It felt like it was too difficult to be out, especially in a small town like Holmes Chapel.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Even the thought of going to Manchester to see you… it just freaked me out.”

Louis gazed at him for a moment, then nodded slowly.

“That’s understandable,” he commented, then sighed softly. “I didn’t get beaten up, but Mark raised my sexuality in the divorce proceedings.”

“He what?” Harry asked flatly.

“Yeah,” Louis hummed. “In the custody bid. He said that he should have custody of the girls because of ‘the deviant behaviour and attitude of Johannah’s eldest son’.” He scoffed quietly. “Wouldn’t even accept me as his son anymore.”

“That’s his loss, Lou,” Harry said gently.

“Yeah, well,” Louis shrugged a little. “The fact that he said it meant that he lost all custody and access to any of the girls. The judge said he was too prejudiced and narrow-minded to be any kind of influence on children.” He gave Harry a small smile. “Worked out for the best in the long run.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Admittedly, it fucked me up for a while at the time.”

“That’s hardly a surprise. I’m so sorry, Lou.”

“Thanks,” Louis nodded. “I suppose that’s kinda why I stopped contacting you.” He huffed out a heavy sigh. “And then the next thing I knew, you were on the telly.”

Harry blushed and ducked his head.

“I was debating about applying just before we went on holiday,” he explained slowly. “I didn’t know that Mum found my application form when I was in the hospital, signed it for the parental consent, and posted it off. Next thing I knew, I was in Manchester and singing in front of Simon Cowell.”

“Who’s an utter dickhead,” Louis muttered.

“Well, yeah, he is,” Harry agreed. “Homophobic as fuck, too. He flipped his lid big style when he found out about Zayn and Liam.” He shot Louis a wide-eyed look. “Fuck.”

“Don’t shit yourself, Haz,” Louis chuckled. “I’m not gonna say anything.” He gave him a sideways glance. “I’m guessing that’s why you’ve kept up the hetero persona?”

Harry pulled a face.

“It was at first,” he admitted. “But I’ve, _we’ve_ got a plan in place. I’ll be out by the end of the year at the latest.” He tilted his head slightly in contemplation. “Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s by the end of the week, though.”

Louis shot him a confused look, before he recognised the look of determination on Harry’s face – much like the one he’d gotten in Fuertaventura, when faced with the highest water slide at the water park: like nothing was going to stop him attacking it, no matter how scared he was.

“Oh no you don’t, Styles,” he immediately said. “You are not coming out this week just to ‘make things up’ to me or some shit.”

“Did I mention you at all in any of that?” Harry asked coolly.

“No, but I know that look,” Louis insisted. “You stick to your damn plan, and don’t stress your fanbase out.”

“Most of our fanbase have worked it out already,” Harry told him. “You should see all the masterposts on Tumblr. ‘Top ten times Harry was queer as fuck’.” He chuckled quietly as they entered through one of the side doors of the stadium. “A lot have even got Zayn and Liam pegged too. They’re not as subtle as they think they are.”

“That’s as maybe,” Louis sighed heavily. “Jesus fucking Christ, Styles. You’re a fucking liability, you know that?”

“Look, I get it,” Harry stopped and turned to face him properly. “I get that you probably want fuck all to do with me because of what happened way back when, and I fully understand and respect your choices. But do not get me wrong here. This, me coming out, me being me, me standing up on that damn stage tonight with my sparkly-ass boots and a huge fuck-off great rainbow flag; that’s all about me. It’s about my right to be who I am, completely and unapologetically me, with no bullshit fake promotional narrative being written about how many girls I’ve fucked in a day, week, month, year.” He took a deep breath. “It’s about taking back control of my life, taking the power away from those shitheads who beat me up when I was 15, away from people like Mark Tomlinson who just want to throw slurs and call me twisted and fucked up.” He gazed at Louis intently. “Can you understand that?”

Louis stared at him for a few moments, his thoughts racing and racing and racing until they just stopped and left him with silence and a single truth: He still had feelings for this man.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, of course,” he stammered. “Um. I fully support that, love.” He gave Harry a weak smile. “Now then, aren’t you supposed to be doing a sound check or something?”

“Uh huh,” Harry nodded, eyeing him speculatively, before he grinned. “Wanna come see where the magic happens?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows teasingly.

“That is the worst joke in the history of bad jokes, Harold,” Louis declared. “But I’m definitely more than happy to go look at Wembley Stadium from a different perspective.” He caught Harry’s raised eyebrows. “I was here in May 2008, watching Donny’s spectacular victory over Leeds United,” he elaborated, closing his eyes as he recalled the match. “It was a damn good time, H. Came with Stan and his dad.”

“Well, it definitely looks different with a bloody great stage in the middle of it,” Harry chuckled. “C’mon.”

He grabbed Louis’ hand and gently pulled him through another set of double doors leading out onto the pitch, which had been covered with a hard plastic mesh, and was dominated by the large T-shaped stage in the centre.

“Holy shit, H,” Louis muttered. “This is fucking ridiculous.”

“Tell me about it,” Harry replied, looking back at him with a chuckle.

They crossed the large open space, following the other three lads with Elodie, who were already approaching the stage.

“How the hell do you even cover that much space?” Louis asked in awe.

“It’s definitely a workout,” Harry nodded. “We’re always knackered when we’ve finished.”

“Dude, I’m not surprised.”

Once they were on the stage properly, One Direction slipped into a level of professionalism that neither Louis nor Elodie had seen so far, carrying out the sound check quickly and efficiently. As soon as the sound techs had what they needed, Liam introduced Louis and Elodie to the band, before they all left the stage to find some food.

“Sarah will get us sorted,” Niall declared. “She’s a wee angel, she won’t mind a couple extra mouths to feed.”

“Well, she’s used to cooking enough to allow for the three servings you always manage to polish off,” Harry retorted.

“Wait, do you think I won’t be able to have as much?” Niall asked, suddenly looking worried, before turning to Louis. “Sorry, you won’t be able to eat. I need the carbs for the stage.”

Liam, Harry, and Zayn all burst out laughing, gently pushing Niall into the wall.

“Ignore him,” Liam insisted. “It’ll be fine. He’s just an idiot. Sarah always makes plenty of food, and there’s plenty of choice, too.”

“El doesn’t eat a lot,” Louis felt obligated to say. “And I can just have a sandwich?”

“Niall’s paranoid,” Harry explained. “Like Liam said, there’s plenty. Neither of you are gonna go hungry.”

◎◎◎◎◎◎

After they’d eaten, Harry showed Louis and Elodie to a darkened, quiet room where Elodie could have a nap and Louis could charge his phone up a bit before the gig. Despite her protests, Elodie was out like a light as soon as Louis settled her onto the large sofa and covered her with the thin blanket Harry had produced.

Louis made sure she was comfortable, before he crossed to the other side of the room and sat with Harry.

“So…” he said quietly.

“So?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“So, I owe you a huge apology,” Louis admitted. “I’ve been thinking a lot today, and there were a lot of assumptions made, I think probably on both sides, but I think I made the bigger ones.” He took a deep breath. “So, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Harry said immediately.

“Haz, you’re not supposed to accept it that quickly,” Louis protested.

“Tough, I am, I have, it’s done,” Harry said firmly. “I owe you one too. I think there was an awful lot of crap that all seemed to happen at the same time, and that’s why it all went to shit. So, I’m sorry as well.”

“Apology accepted,” Louis replied, giving him a soft smile, which Harry returned.

“So, uh, there’s this other thing,” Harry started, sounding a lot more nervous than Louis was expecting.

“What’s that, love?” Louis asked gently.

“I’m in no way expecting anything at all, but I was hoping that maybe, I could have your number?” Harry asked warily.

“And what exactly are you planning on doing with that number?” Louis asked, deliberately being a little shit about it.

“Well, I thought I’d text you a bit to start with,” Harry replied, smiling as he realised what Louis was doing. “And then I thought maybe we could call a bit. Actually speak to each other. And then, I thought there would be the potential for FaceTime. So I can see that pretty face of yours.”

“Oi, I’m not pretty,” Louis protested weakly.

“You are definitely pretty, Louis,” Harry insisted. “And also, incredibly handsome.”

“That’s a bit better,” Louis conceded. “But you think you’re gonna wanna actually see it?”

“On, I know I’m gonna wanna see it,” Harry nodded. “You do not need to worry about that at all.” He took a deep breath, and Louis watched as he visibly braced himself for the next thing he was about to say. “Then I thought at some point, maybe we could go out together. On a date.”

Louis stared for a moment, then promptly burst into laughter, smothering it with his hands when Elodie made a protesting sound from the sofa. He looked up, spotting the expression of hurt all over Harry’s face.

“Right,” Harry muttered. “Sorry I asked.” He stood up quickly. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“No!” Louis protested, flinching when Elodie made another noise. “No, Haz, wait.” He reached out, grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him back to the chair. “I wasn’t laughing _at_ you, I swear it. I was laughing because it was a better reaction than bursting into tears, which was the only other possibility.”

“Tears?” Harry frowned worriedly, sitting on the edge of his chair. “Why would there be tears?”

“Because this is what I’ve wanted for so damn long,” Louis admitted. He scratched nervously at the back of his neck. “There hasn’t been anyone else since you.” He shrugged a little. “Was too caught up with the family, making sure they were all okay and taken care of.”

“There’s been no one since you,” Harry murmured. “For obvious reasons.”

“Not even that DJ?” Louis asked incredulously. “Grimmy?”

“No,” Harry chuckled. “He’s a good friend, but no. Nothing’s happened there. He’s too old for me, I’m too young for him, we get on each other’s nerves if we’re together and not doing something. It’s a bit of a mess, being around us for any length of time, to be honest.”

“Sounds like fun,” Louis commented neutrally.

“Don’t be weird about it,” Harry chastised gently. “Besides, he’s got a thing with Henry. For now, anyway.”

“Hmm,” Louis looked uncertain. “If you’re sure.”

“I am,” Harry nodded quickly. “There’s only one person I’ve ever really wanted, and I’m looking at him right now.”

Louis felt himself blush hard.

“Well, we’ll have to see how things go, won’t we,” he said a little primly, before he turned serious. “I mean it though, Haz. I can’t rush into this. Things have to be safe. Not just for me and you, but for El, the other girls, my mum. I can’t risk anything happening to any of them.”

“I completely understand and respect that,” Harry promised him. “I don’t want anything happening to them either.” He gave Louis a soft smile. “We’ll work it out.”

◎◎◎◎◎◎

The concert that night was even more electrifying than ever. The four boys bounced around the stage happily, giving their all to the songs, to the performance, to their audience. Harry happily trotted to and fro, the bright pink sparkly Doc Martens on his feet catching the lights with every step. And when a pride flag got thrown up onto the stage, Harry glanced at the others, who each nodded supportively at him, before he met Louis’ eyes in the pit, getting an enthusiastic thumbs up, which was enough for Harry to bend down, grabbing the bright colours and promptly dancing down the catwalk.

Partway through the show, when it was Harry’s turn to speak to the audience, he found himself looking for his bandmates, moving to position himself alongside them. Realising that he needed their physical support this time, all three of them gently rested reassuring hands on his shoulders and hips.

“Good evening, Wembley!” Harry called into his microphone. “We are One Direction, and we are incredibly grateful that you are all here this evening. Because if you weren’t here, we wouldn’t be able to do this, so thank you all, so much.” He took a deep breath. “Right, we’re doing something a little different tonight, so if you could just bear with me a moment, I’ll be incredibly grateful.” Harry rubbed at his face, then looked out at the audience, the sold-out show of nearly 80 thousand people, who were all hanging on his every word. He glanced either side of him, at his bandmates, with whom he’d been on this rollercoaster ride for nearly four years. He drew his strength from all of them as he lifted the mic again.

“I was 15 years old when I realised two very important things about myself,” he started. “One, I wanted to be a singer.” He paused and smiled as the audience cheered. “Clearly, that’s going well, still in progress, but so far, I have high hopes.” He leaned into Zayn’s side a little, feeling rather than hearing his exasperated sigh.

“The other thing I realised, was that I was gay.”

There was a beat of silence as his words registered with the audience, before the screams increased in pitch and volume. Zayn, Liam, and Niall all hugged him tightly, Niall crying unashamedly into Harry’s shoulder. Harry chuckled softly at them, hugging them all back, giving the audience a few minutes to settle down again.

“That’s going okay too,” he eventually said. “Another work in progress. More high hopes.” He shrugged. “We’ll see how it works out.”

“Let’s hear it for Mr Harry Styles, everyone!” Liam called out. “We’re very proud of you, mate.”

Harry blushed and shifted his feet awkwardly, waving uncertainly.

“On that note,” Zayn continued. “We’re gonna sing this next song a little differently – the way it was written, with ‘he’ pronouns.” He glanced around with a grin. “This is Alive.”

◎◎◎◎◎◎

Louis was stunned by the entire show, and most especially by Harry himself. He and Elodie had had to leave as soon as the concert finished to get back to King’s Cross for their train home, but once they were settled in their seats, and Elodie was snoring quietly opposite him, Louis opened a new text thread to Harry.

**_Louis_** _: So proud of you. You were amazing._

**_Harry_** _: Thank you. Everything’s been all rainbows since I got offstage._

**_Louis_** _: Enjoy the rainbow paradise, love. You deserve it._


	8. 2019

Harry took a deep breath, his guitar resting comfortably against his stomach.

It was ten minutes to curtain up. He was standing at the side of the stage at The Forum, in Los Angeles, about to perform his second album in its entirety for the very first time. And he was definitely bricking it, especially as Louis was back in London, performing on the stage in the West End, as the lead role in Big the Musical.

“Haz! Harry!”

A voice broke through his racing thoughts, making him turn quickly to look for the source.

“Lou?” he asked in disbelief.

A joggers and hoody bedecked figure darted through the bodies that swarmed the backstage area, giving Harry just enough time to move his guitar up behind him before he slammed into him full force. Harry immediately clung to him tightly, burying his face in Louis’ neck and breathing deeply.

“I didn’t think you were coming,” Harry murmured. “You said you couldn’t get the time off.”

“I totally lied,” Louis admitted, holding on tightly. “Got Jay in as my understudy, he’s more than happy to take the lead for a few shows.” He pulled back a little, beaming up at Harry. “You didn’t seriously think I was gonna miss this, did you?”

“I dunno,” Harry shrugged in embarrassment.

Louis rolled his eyes, then leaned up, pressing a firm kiss to Harry’s lips.

“Silly husband,” he murmured. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Harry sighed happily.

“So, any songs for me?” Louis asked, settling back onto his feet properly. “Don’t think I’m not still pissed at you for not letting me listen before the launch.” He pouted. “I haven’t even managed to listen on the way here – it wasn’t out yet when I got on the plane in London, so couldn’t get it there, and things have been far too hectic since I landed to even think about it.”

“They’re all for you, Lou,” Harry said softly, resting his forehead against Louis’. “But I’d say definitely listen to the third song. That’s definitely yours.”

“Third song, right,” Louis nodded. “Got it.” He smiled softly. “You’re gonna smash it, darling.”

“I really hope so,” Harry said shakily. “Feel a lot better with you here though.” He pressed another kiss to Louis’ lips. “Love you so much.”

“I love you too. And I’m gonna be right at the side of the stage, okay?” Louis said. “May have brought some reinforcements, by the way.”

Harry pulled back quickly, staring at him.

“Seriously?” he squeaked.

“There may be a large group of Tomlinson-Deakins here, plus a trio of boybander has-beens,” Louis shrugged carelessly. “I’ll try and work out what I can do with them, but they got distracted by Anne and Gem.”

“I do not deserve any of you,” Harry said seriously.

“Don’t talk bollocks,” Louis immediately replied. “You’re beautiful, by the way.” He ran a hand lightly over Harry’s bright pink shirt, down to the high-waisted trousers. “This is a gorgeous look.”

Harry beamed at him and opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by Jeff.

“Sorry, H, sorry to interrupt,” he said gruffly. “Showtime.”

“Tell me after,” Louis immediately said. “Go have fun. Love you.”

“Adore you,” Harry replied with a wink, before he stepped out onto the stage as the lights dimmed and the audience screamed.


End file.
